Sapphire's Review Store 💙

Review by Rrc: Spring Day

Title: Spring Day

Author: withwriting

Reviewer: rrc_loves_donuts

Summary: 3/5

I always rate the summaries based on whether they do justice to the book content. In this case, it actually doesn't. While it is, in fact, relevant to the actually plotline, it isn't exactly intriguing. Due to the book genre, the vibe that you tried to emit was correct. But, it could be a lot more interesting if it was polished a bit.

For example, the last line of the summary should be something more captivating. Something, that just lures the reader in. I would suggest a title reference.

Grammar: 4.5/5

I don't think I came across any punctuation mistakes. Maybe just focus on the sentence structures and the tenses being used in complex sentences.

Correct Use of Words: 1.5/2.5

As your writing style is very descriptive, try to figure out the correct word for the purpose.

For instance, this sentence I picked up from part three:

"Alicia," he finished.

In reference to previous context, the word 'finished' isn't to be used here, but, instead, something like-

"Alicia," he said, the syllables rolling off his tongue as he tested out my name.

Using sentences like this also makes it more attractive.

I was also very confused with the simile of the male character's teeth and an orange slice. That may need some work.

Vocabulary: 2.5/2.5

Keeping the genre in mind, the words you use are not exactly easy just as they are not too tough. Books like this seem more endearing with a simple, yet beautiful language that you managed to master.

Plot Originality/Depth: 4.5/5

'Spring day' is a beautiful blend of two writing styles- romance, and comedy. You could call it a rom-com, but just something about the way its written separates it from other clichés.

I would say that the book is written just the way it is supposed to be – light hearted, and simple. I suggest more humorous and playful situations, just try to make it all a bit more comical.

Presence/Absence of Loopholes: 4/5

Even though the book is an one-shot, the paragraphs are put into sequence, and it doesn't feel as if one is jumping through the happenings.

I just think that part two needs some more filling in.

For a short story, the characters are beautifully developed, showing prominent characteristics.

Ending: 5/5

There's nothing special about the way the story ended, but just the way that you put a title reference and a metaphor, comparing Charlie's eyes to a spring day, is just so simple and beautiful, it makes it unique.

The story ends with the last grin, showing the realistic start of their relationship.

TOTAL SCORE: 25/30

All in all, it was a great read, and I do suggest that you write more short stories like this. I absolutely struggle while finding out a name for a book which is not very cringe-y. You did a great job at that. Even if it doesn't really matter that much, the cover selection is awesome and shows the simplicity of the book.

Sometimes, it's the most simple things that turn out to be the most beautiful. So, just keep it light hearted.