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Review by Lone Wolf: NinRai

Title: NinRai

Author: Witto150

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Before we begin this review, a quick note from ray_of_sunshine9! Your reviewer wanted me to let you know that they're sorry for the delay - they got quite busy with things, and fell behind in reviewing. They just asked me to relay that message to you. 

Now, onto the review: 

Summary: 4/5

Pretty interesting rightoff the bat! I love stories about magic, though the second to last sentence(the one where you're describing the girl and her fangs), felt a little off tome. I think either some commas need to be inserted or it should be split up. Iloved the warning you had about malware; most people don't consider this whengoing on sites like this. 

Grammar: 3.5/5

Your grammar's pretty good, I just think you're missing commas during your descriptions and it's causing misplaced modifiers (look them up if you ever need a good laugh) ;). I think there were a couple of tense switches, when you wrote shorter sentences. It wasn't noticeable right off the bat.

Character Building: 4/5

You've done pretty well here. Kairo's a pretty interesting character and Arubi's so adorable. I absolutely love them both! They're definitely close and it's apparent from the way they're described, as well as their actions with one another.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Because I think (I'm assuming), that you've made up a lot of the characters and species, I think it'd be better to make an index of them, or explaining words other than English (at the end of the chapter, in the postscript thingy). Instead of having to describe about the different species within your story, it'd open up more space for any other actions or witty dialogue. There were some areas that felt like they should've been in italics (given how it's being written in the past tense) as his inner dialogue and some of the descriptions seemed a little repetitive, like the area with the 3/4 female that he meets on his way to the post office. But you've really improved. I really enjoyed reading this book, considering that it's very original (I remember you from the Minerva Book club) and the characters were fun to see! Interesting how it's a teaser book on here! That really caught me off guard!

Plot + Uniqueness: 5/5

Definitely unique!! I've never read anything like this so far and it's got a ton of potential. Kairo and Arubi are tots adorable and I look forward to reading more if you ever update on here (I saw the e-book thingy haha). This is a huge change from the other books that you wrote (the Sonic fanfiction) and your writing has really improved!!

OVERALL SCORE: 20/25