Truly-Madly-Deeply Assistant

Flashback - The Oscars moment

4 years ago

It has been two hours already since they called my name and I walked up on stage, but I still couldn't wrap my mind around it as people kept coming up to me to congratulate and take photos. It was all chaos, but in the best way possible. I was the center of attention, the star of the night. The big surprise; I was the rockstar who won an Oscar. My name was out there yet again in a different circle and I couldn't be happier.

The unofficial after party just started where we were free from most of the cameras and only high-end magazines' photographers were around for the first half an hour to snap some after-after-party pictures before we are being left alone.

"I mean, when she died... You were so good in that role, I still miss her, man! I think I'm gonna light a candle for her every year," Bradley Cooper was expressing his thoughts as I nodded understandingly.

"I know; she was the character, most difficult to let go of," I explained trying to contain my grin, as the topic was somewhat serious.

All these people; they were so different from me, yet again somehow the same. I couldn't help the feeling of shyness what took over me by the overwhelming amounts of real stars surrounding me, wanting to talk to me, shaking my hand.

I felt like an outsider who is trying to get into the inner circle. I felt tense around them, even a bit intimidated, but I just put on the act of confidence and faked it 'til I made it. Still I was peeking around to see Shannon and my Mom in the room, sipping on champagne; their presence calmed me for sure.

I was just feeling anxiety building up in me and I knew I need a break. Just a couple of minutes.

I quickly located my Mom and brother in the huge venue and was walking towards them waiting for some relief when a soft hand grabbed my hand from behind, making me stop and turn around impatiently.

"Jared, come, I would like you to meet my friends," Sandra smiled sweetly, her dark brown eyes, shining as she looked at me.

Sandra was my first attempt of a girlfriend after Lily.

Sadly, no matter how hard I tried, how amazing this Victoria's Secret Angel was, how down to Earth she was; I just couldn't feel a damn thing. She tried so hard, but I physically couldn't relax next to her. I couldn't show her my real self. Often times, I felt myself acting around her like I do all day at my work, and honestly, it was exhausting.

Lily was working in catering. She was sweet, bubbly, confident, my life was nothing she knew about, but she fought through it... for me. And still she cheated. For some reason I was not good enough for her. Then how can I be good enough for a model? Looks won't keep women and sadly neither my job nor me being a workaholic.

I knew, after all these months with Sandra, she should be the one I want to go to when feeling anxious; like I went to find sanctuary around Lily, but honestly, I even forgot I invited her to this party until she showed up out of nowhere kissing me, in front of everybody! I was just happy that no photographers were around to catch the moment until I pushed her away.

"Yeah... yeah sure," I sighed having one last look on my family, and that's when Shannon caught my gaze and waved with a smile.

I sent him a tight smile back, what I hoped he can sense and save me from another social interaction with complete strangers as Sandra pulled me to three girls.

I did consider myself social and outgoing... In my own terms, in my own circle. This was a huge change for a night and all I wanted was to sit on top of a mountain, close my eyes and breath in the fresh air.