Truly-Madly-Deeply Assistant

Apart - breaking point

Enjoy <3

It has been a month since Jared left California; leaving me behind.

It has been three weeks since the bully was messing with the car, which I got fixed and was too scared to go to work with it, that I decided to just bring it back to Jared's house. This led me to use the public transportation again, losing a little of the freedom I had, but I rather stuck to schedules than having to deal with a possible bigger damage this person could do to the car.

It has been two weeks since the bully left me another note at my work, saying how I looked hideous in the light blue dress and heals I was wearing the other day, and that in Scotland I might be called normal, but in California people would think my skin is infectious.

Right now, I was sitting in front of my computer, looking at the screen blankly. 

There was a twitter account posting my picture with Jared, taken most likely by a fan as we were standing by the bar in New York on the New Year's party. He looked amazing and proud as he was talking to the bartender, while I was standing next to him a head shorter, my hair's a mess, just tied back, my make up all gone, eyes having circles around because of the crying earlier on, remembering my father.

The caption hurt more than anything: 

"You know he is having a mid-life crisis, when he picks from the ugly ones for a change; they might stick around." #charity

I was tagged in the photo with Jared, that is how I found out about it.

I didn't dare to read the few comments it had.

The tears were running down my cheeks as I starred at the picture what brought back memories of my High School years. All the feelings of being the target. The sorrow, the fear, the loneliness.

I came so long; I had such a great life in my bubble, and I know I should have gotten ready for being picked on, but I had a little hope, that if Jared's followers liked me all along, their opinion won't change if they get to know I am with Jared. And I know it is not official yet, and that there is only one person pulling the strings now, I still can't help but feel defeated.

And yet, I was too afraid to tell about what's happening to anyone, because that would mean that they were able to break me. I would have to admit that I am weak, and I don' know what to do.

Do I know what to do? No.

Do I think I'm weak? Yes.

Am I ready to admit it to anyone? No.

This person was good. They wouldn't give me any lead to follow as to know who they are. Even this twitter account is new, and I can't figure anything out. But it's not like I wanted to. I didn't want to care and just hoped it would stop if I don't react.

Coming home from work that day I was exhausted. I was working double the amount, taking on projects to show Larry, I am taking my job seriously. The gossip faded in a week and Larry believed, I told the truth.

I threw my bag down by the door as I closed it behind me, making my way into the living room where I sat onto the couch, taking a deep breath.

Suddenly, my phone started to ring, and looking at the screen a sad smile appeared on my face.

Jared was calling.

As time passed, neither of us had much free time and the time difference made it very hard to reach each other. After the first week we usually called every third day or so for a few minutes if Jared had time. It was challenging as I missed him deeply, but I was not sure he feels the same. He was active on Instagram; I saw the many parties he attended, the friends he made, the old friends he met up with, the talk shows he did, and I couldn't help but feel jealous and even more alone.