<Coach Styles>

Fifty Nine-

Hearing a knock on Harry's bedroom door, the door swung open and Olivia stood there with a sad smile.

"Hi cupcake," she sighed, walking toward the edge of the bed as I sat up and we hugged tightly.

"Hi," I managed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She crawled to the other side of the bed and sat criss crossed.

"I can trust you, right?"

"Of course."

"I just-" I didn't know how to describe what I was feeling. I didn't understand any of the situation.

"You feel dirty, don't you?" she asked, our eyes meeting.

"How did yo-"

"I was raped when I was twelve."

"Oh my God."

"At the time, it didn't matter how many showers I took. It didn't matter how hard I scrubbed, nor how long I avoided going out into public. I was destroyed. I didn't know what to feel or why what had happened happened to me. I felt dirty and unwanted. It took me until I turned 21 to begin to love myself again."

"I feel empty," I admitted.

"I did too. It never goes away, you just learn to suppress it and there are those rare times when you're sitting by yourself where it'll try and creep back up on you. You can't let it."

"I mean, I don't even know if what he did was considered rape."

"Did you want to have sex with him?"

"No."

"Did he stick it in with you saying no?"

"Yes."

"It was rape," she sighed. "Just because you see all this bullshit on twitter about #itaintrapeif doesn't justify what he did. It will take time, but you'll heal."

"I don't even know how to tell Harry," I sniffled.

"Some things are easier said than done. You'll know when it's the right time to tell him."

"But what if in like, three months, he wants to have sex and I still feel this way?"

"Then that would be the right time to tell him."

"I don't even feel like a real person anymore. It's almost as if he knew what he was doing would get to me this much," I said quietly, tears falling down my cheeks. "Sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry. If you weren't crying, I would be even more worried about you."

"Thanks, I guess," I chuckled slightly.

"Did he-" she stopped, seeming almost afraid to ask.

"No."

"Did he say anything?"

"Yeah." I swallowed thickly and let out a sigh.

"You don't have to te-"

"It's okay. I need to talk to someone about it."

"I'm listening."

"He told me not to cry. Said I felt good, called me baby." The tears seemed to flow a little bit harder down my cheeks and I couldn't seem to stop.

"Oh Neely," Olivia sniffled, pulling me to her in a small hug.

"I'll be okay. I just don't know when," I sobbed.

"Your scars will remind you that you did indeed survive your deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. This one will take a while to scab over, but when it does, it'll soon turn to a scar just like all the others and you will keep on living. You are strong enough to handle all of this and keep kicking ass. If I've learned anything about life, it goes on and yours has so much ahead. Far more than anything you'll leave behind."

"You really think so?" I felt like a child asking, but I needed reassurance.

"I know so. It's like in a book," she mused. "One monster got to you and you had an epic battle. You have a wound. Your wound is gonna heal, but for right now it burns and is bleeding and raw. It's gonna hurt and you're gonna have days where you contemplate suicide methods, but you, Neely," she paused. "You have to keep fighting. You are strong and loved and I know you can get through this."

"Thanks, Liv. You're the best."

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake."

Dedicated to happpilyharry because she's adorable and queen and my Number one cupcake.

Much love to you all.
xx