Magic Mirror

The Unexpected 🇵🇭

Hi! I'm Sky and I am from the Philippines 🇵🇭 and THIS IS MY STORY.

My life is a roler coster ride of unexpected event at a very young age. I grew up in a very unhealthy and toxic family, an alcoholic and abusive father, broken family, cheating and more of this. Growing up I saw my dad hurting my mom whenever he gets drunk and by the way my father is a senior police officer.

He would often use his gun in any parts of our house, hurt me and my sister with a thin arnis stick whenever we get low grades or cannot follow all his commands (take note we are just 5 to 7 years old that time). When I reach grade 4 my mom went abroad to work for me and my sister because he couldn't take the beating from my dad anymore.

My dad brought another girl in our house, got her pregnant and let her live with us. Life didn't get easier at all or became at peace because my father and her mistress still fight like old times. The difference is that her mistress would fight back but my mom wouldn't. It came to a point Where me and my sister got brought to DSWD in the Philippines for child abuse case since me and my sister would always got a beating from him and I was a molest Survivor when my dad got drunk.

We live there for 1 year and 5 months without phone money because it's not allowed. We would scared that he would visit us afraid that he would scold us from what we did. Eventually I accepted his apology the case got trashed since they find no strong evidence to suspend him and we got out of the DSWD care.

Our custody got transferred to my grandparents and we live with them along with my uncles on the mother side. Before those crazy happenings I already got acquainted with BTS but I didn't really got into them since I seldom use my phone because my dad would get mad seing us facing only our phones.

May 2019 that is the time when I really got into BTS. It started from the funny moments and videos that are posted on YouTube then it became deeper. At first I was kinda confused why I got into them since I'm not that kind of person to really idolize celebrities. Little did I know that those was God's way or maybe faith's way (whatever they say it) for me to be ready for the thing that is going to happen.

2020 came I'm on my 12th grade already. All the pressure was pushed to me and everything became so heavy, my anxiety worsen, trauma about the past happenings hunt me at night regrets and what if's flood my mind to the point that I thought of committing suicide. My grandparents although they don't say it harshly but I can feel them expecting high things from me and I can't cope up with everything anymore.

It's been a long time since I thought about suicide but I can't afford to do it since I'm scared of pain and has a low pain tolerance. It was around 2021 recently at my last grading nearing graduation I'm so stressed out with everything and with the pressures and expectations that they had for me the only escape that I have is BTS but my grandmother would often scold me or even discourage me because she thinks I'm always on my phone watching BTS where infact I can only watch bts for around half an hour or an our to extent because of the heavy schedule and schoolwork that I have.

I can only watch their videos and enjoy it at midnight. 2 months before graduation I decided to buy a lot of pills and medicine to ready myself on my plan of suicide. I told my self that if our research paper won't come out successful and I can't pass this school year I'll proceed to my plan in drinking all the pills and medicines that