Magic Mirror

My Only Home 🇹🇹

Hi! I'm Celine and I am from Trinidad an Tobago 🇹🇹 and THIS IS MY STORY.

My love for BTS knows no bounds. You inspire me. You helped me through my most difficult times this. Thank you so much for always being there for me. 사랑해. 고맙습니다

Some may think that I'm lying or exaggerating, but BTS really is the only thing that kept me from slipping into a deeper depression that I was already in.

Late 2016, into 2017 was the HARDEST time in my life. Much harder that when my sister had passed away and I used to watch my mom come home drunk everyday. I was in a place I can't even talk about till today. All I know was that I just wanted it to END.

I've been an ARMY since debut but I wasn't as open about it as now. I thought people would say I'm weird (even though I know that I am).
However, it wasn't until the WINGS era, and by extension the You Never Walk Alone era that BTS truly saved me.

From literally New Years Eve 2016 into 2017, that my depression fully set in. I felt trapped. I felt that I had no where, no one to turn to.

The only thing I had, was MUSIC. Music was the only thing I had to drown out the entire world. I would probably play WINGS 10x before the day end.
And then YNWA came out.

And it was its message of "No matter what....... you may be physically alone, BUT with BTS and their music,their messages, their teachings, their words of comfort. I WILL NEVER TRULY BE ALONE.

And it made sense. All I had to do to feel comforted was listen to their songs, watch some Bangtan Bomb videos OR Run BTS OR BTS Vines/Crack videos.
Anything related to them just cheered me up And while I was still not completely over my depression as 2017-2018 had also been trying. With my eomma in the hospital on and off since August 2017 to March 2018, and with her no longer working, life has been EXTREMELY difficult BUT it's not as bad as before.

I NO longer wish I wasn't here.
I NO longer wish to disappear.

"On days I hate being myself, days I want to disappear forever
Let's make a door in your heart
Open the door and this place will await
It's okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort you"
-BTS 'MagicShop'

And though my love, appreciation, dedication and sometimes obsession with BTS still not completely understood by others, even my own mother, I can say that I am content.

Having finally met other ARMYS in my own country and having shared in the euphoric delightness that is our love for BTS has made me in some ways LIGHTER.

I am happy in myself, in the love I have for myself, in the fact that it may still be a tough road ahead, there will still be obstacles and trials, and good days and bad days. I may still trip, stumble and fall. There will be days when I just want to give up and not get back up again....

BUT no matter what, I WILL NEVER BE ALONE and I MUST LOVE MYSELF

"You've shown me I have reasons
I should love myself
I'll answer with my breath, my path

The me of yesterday, the me of today, the me of tomorrow
(I'm learning how to love myself)
With no exceptions, it's all me"
-BTS 'Answer'