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જ Mystical Mutant જ ☾Molly-Mae☽

MYSTICAL MUTANT REVIEW

Book: Mystical Mutant

Author: Kikibtsstan

Reviewer: Molly-Mae (rearlights)

TITLE

The title seems to suit the story (and the main character) very well, as far as I've read. It's creative, short, and to the point, so it's easy to remember and is not too much of a mouthful. I also really like that both the words of the title start with the letter M. It just further adds to the creativity, and shows that you put a lot of consideration into it.

COVER

I really like the image of the cover - a girl sleeping that seems not exactly human. So it matches up with the title almost perfectly. Mystical Mutant - the girl definitely seems mystical in the ethereal way her eyes are closed, and we can assume that she's not normal (some kind of mutant) from the way her ears are not the normal human ones.

However, the text placement is very tacky. Although I do understand that it may be difficult to place text on that type of image, the black outline contrasts very heavily with the gentle colors of the image and seems very unappealing. However, I wouldn't suggest leaving it just pink either, as it may not be visible anymore. My advice is to find a good graphic designer out there and perhaps, they can further assist you with the cover.

SYNOPSIS

I very much so liked the synopsis. It gave us an idea of what the book was about, and hooked us enough to open the book, however, it did get a little informative in a few sentences - though I'm sure that can be fixed very easily. I suggest showing a little more rather than telling, as that gets quite tedious and you wouldn't want readers to get bored from the synopsis itself. Other than that, when writing paragraphs, you have to separate them twice, however, you only did it once, giving the synopsis an unappealing look - which, unfortunately, may turn a lot of readers away.

FIRST CHAPTER

The first chapter in your book, was, obviously, the prologue. Now the real problems do start here. There was a lot of telling and not showing enough in the prologue. Not only that, but it was just a huge information dump. It didn't really sound like a story - it was more of a sequence of events, and that is sure to turn away readers. There were also a lot of weird paragraph breaks and incorrect grammar and punctuation usage. The first chapter is what the reader will always read first after the synopsis - if they stayed after reading the synopsis - and if you, as an author, don't make the first chapter compelling enough to hook, readers will almost always put away the book. So my suggestion is to start working on that first.

On another note, I really loved the way you started the story with the main character's parents. It really left a lot of room for sympathy, especially when they died trying to save her. It built up to the rest of the story and it was amazing to see how that progressed into Fiona's tale.

WRITING STYLE

My main problem is definitely the telling too much and not showing enough. Like I stated before, everything was an information dump - a sequence, as if you were telling us a set of events in chronological order. This happened. Then this happened. They did this. They then did this. Try expanding on the sentences, but not too much to make them run-on sentences. Add imagery, add description. Add the emotions - how the characters felt.

Determine how the environment made the characters feel: hot, cold, happy, scared, nervous, etc. and then describe them feeling this way. Don't say, "She felt cold." Say, "The cool breeze that swept past her sent goosebumps down her arms, and she shivered, reaching up to wrap her arms around her for any semblance of warmth." If you need any extra help, you can always contact an editor.

PLOT

I love the idea of this book - it seems like something really interesting to read, however, as far as I've read, I haven't really gotten an understanding of what the plot of the book is. The synopsis keeps it vague and does not give away the plot - which is good! And I do understand that I may have to read more to figure out the plot, but as far as I've read, the only plot I see coming - which may just be a subplot in the future - is new boy meets school's lonely girl. From the synopsis, I figured it would have more to do with the conflict between the two alien races, so I hope that's what the book focuses on, as it really intrigued me.

ORIGINALITY

The idea for this book is amazing and seems very new to me! I have heard and seen of several books where there's a conflict between two or more races, however, I do hope that this book takes a turn from the overused elements in those books. I'm not sure if my hunch is right, so, author, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming that the new, famous guy that just moved to Fiona's school is from the opposite race? And it'll be sort of a forbidden thing? I'm not sure as I've only read as much as I needed to for this review.

CHARACTERS

Again, I want to mention that I haven't read too much of this book - only as much as necessary. And, to be a little blunt, I have seen not a lot of depth to the characters. Fiona is the only character I've met in a greater length - we live in her mind, and she seems more like a cardboard cutout than anything. There's no feelings described, or any specific thoughts that hint at her personality.

My suggestion is to create a character sheet - you should always do this before you start a book (at least mentally if you don't actually write it out). Determine your characters' personality and their traits. List their hobbies, their likes, their dislikes, any of their habits, etc. Give them emotions. Give them life. A story will seem very bland without the diverse flavors of all the characters.

GRAMMAR/VOCABULARY/SPELLING/PUNCTUATION

There were many grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors, so you might want to go back in and fix those. One thing I would like to point out is your habit of ending dialogue without punctuation. For example, you wrote: "Sir, I don't have a partner" Louis interrupted. As you can see, there is no punctuation to end the dialogue, so since Louis interrupted is a dialogue tag, you would end the dialogue with a comma, whereas if there was an action, instead, it would end with a period or a question mark or any other form of punctuation that correlates with the sentence.

This would be the correct way to write it: "Sir, I don't have a partner," Louis interrupted. Or if there was an action after the dialogue, it would be: "Sir, I don't have a partner." Louis shifted uncomfortably. If there was nothing after the dialogue, it would also end with a period of any form of respective punctuation that is not a comma.

Other than that, your vocabulary was not very big, so instead of using basic words, try searching up synonyms of that word, but don't use words that even you've never heard before, as you don't want to turn away readers with extremely big words either.

Overall, my suggestion is to find an editor for this - they can help a great deal, and you should at least get the first chapter edited, as that is what the reader reads first.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

The general idea of this story is very enticing. I'm interested to see where it goes, and would love for it to give some new themes or elements that I haven't seen in other books. However, the grammar and the telling too much and not showing enough in the first few chapters definitely would have turned me away had I not been reading your book for a review. It just seemed too much like you were telling us a series of events and did not hook or keep my interest at all. That's why I suggest you show a little more, and fix up the grammar because your book has a lot of potential and I know it'll get somewhere if you improve those little things.

As a reminder, I'd like to let you know that, in no way, are you mandated to take my advice. It's your book and this is simply my opinion, so at the end of the day, you can choose to do whatever you prefer with your writing. Don't take my words to heart - I'm just a reviewer, haha! Keep writing; every writer has potential and the more you read and write, the more you get better. Good luck with your writing <3