Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ Eternally Unheard? જ ☾Carmi☽

Book Title: Eternally Unheard?
Author: bangtanrewinds
Reviewer: Read-aholic2006
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(NOTE: I tried not be so vague when writing this review, but I also didn't want to spoil anything major for future readers.)
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Title: 10/10

This unique title is not only posed as a question, but it's also short and reserved. These characteristics make it intriguing. It's also relevant (at some point in the story, readers learn the meaning behind the title).

Cover: 10/10

I don't find anything wrong with the cover. The font size of the title is perfect, but the author's name needs to be slightly enlarged. I think it was clever to use a blurry background; it places focus on the centerpiece of the cover—our male MC, Jin—instead of the insignificant scenery. It's a very effective design.

Blurb: 9/10

This captivating blurb greatly heightened my expectations, as it reflected a matured writing ability. The speaker of the blurb is also very dramatic; he's giving me modern Shakespeare vibes—with his poetically romantic speech, but without the ancient diction.

Just like the title, the blurb is rather closed off, not dropping any hints about the plot. This is a potent way to spark some curiosity within in potential readers, however, this technique could also chase them away. Therefore it's important to provide sufficient information—just a basic outline of your story—so that readers know what they're getting themselves into.

But the blurb clearly embraces the main genres—romance and fanfiction.

Creativity/Originality: 10/10

I always find it impressive when fanfictions dodge the cheesy, heart-eyed clichés that strongly revolve around a famous boy band and run into a different direction that I didn't expect. This fanfiction was specifically suspenseful and dark and sad, but also sugary and heartwarming. And the narration mostly comprises the speaker's letters to his lover and his reflective thoughts about their past, which is a unique writing style.

Plot/Flow: 16/20

Each chapter is like a lightweight snack—easy to digest and very compact, which makes sense since the author only wrote this short story in less than a day (very impressive, by the way). So this book makes for a smooth read.

However, the plot is unformed; there isn't a solid storyline or sequence of events. The chapters mostly consist of these heartfelt letters, which Jin writes to his inamorata, Yuha, who had been thrown into prison.

Overall, the plot seems a little bland...naked...slightly incomplete. Therefore, I advise that the author tries to fill in a few white spaces with some more details. Maybe describe the origin of Yuha and Jin's love story more clearly; briefly mention what the characters look like; explain how Yuha ever ended up in a toxic relationship; insert lengthier flashbacks to shed a brighter light on what had happened to our main characters. The readers greatly rely on the speaker's letters and the speaker himself to narrate the past and the present, which is why it's very important to embed as much information into your story as possible.

I also ask that the writer starts off her story more clearly—the very first paragraph is rather difficult to comprehend; if I didn't carefully read over the words and turn them over in my head, I wouldn't have realized that the speaker had stolen another boy's diary. The sentences merely need a glow-up. Introduction is key; it's the gateway to the plot, the first impression, so the author needs to nail this aspect.

The end of chapter 6 had a wonderful plot twist. It seriously made me do a double take. So much clicked in to place, but it also left me with one niggling question. Of course I won't spoil the twist so I can't disclose any further details.

Characters: 10/10

I understand that this story focuses more on the plot development than characterization, although, there isn't much of a plot. We're only introduced to a few characters, but they have distinguishable profiles—Yuha was separated from her love interest, Jin; she ended up in an abusive relationship, but she learnt to carve herself a rigid backbone and ended up killing her heartless husband in self-defence. She was then imprisoned. Then we have Isuel, Yuha's sister, and her boyfriend, Bong.

Writing style/grammar: 7/10

The grammatical errors are hardly noticeable. Besides a spelling mistake, a concord error and using incorrect punctuation (comma splices and using a semi-colon instead of a comma), there seems to be no serious issues.

The inclusion of quick, short paragraphs create a dramatic atmosphere for the readers and makes the author's story more exciting. There are also many powerful sentences that had managed to pierce my heart with a Cupid's arrow: It both hurts and heals to know our perishing love was the reason for your liberation.

The diction is very impressive. The writer made wonderful use of her similes (You were hopeful about your new life after the imprisonment, just like a teenager hopeful about their future after their educational efforts), metaphors (I wanted to cry, but I know I can't. It's a jewel reserved for mortals only) and personification (Because the heart of our love beats due to our separation). She also did an excellent job with tapping into the raw emotions experienced by Jin; his letters express his heartache and disappointment.

Now, as I've mentioned before, the chapters comprise both the first-person narration and the speaker's letters—which were for Yuha. However, in chapter 4, the speaker starts off by addressing the readers but then he suddenly changes direction and talks to Yuha, as if she will read the story. The author should not confuse her audience with the character Yuha. Yes, the letters can be directed at Yuha, but the narration should be directed at the readers.

A few descriptions are a little rugged around the edges. Here are two examples on how to fine-tune two different paragraphs...

Instead of writing:

My eyes stuck to her figure. Closed eyes, her silky hair spread attractively on the bed while she lay there with a relaxed aura spread over her face, as if she slept in heaven, when in reality, the house was a mess, with dust adorning our castle of love...

Change it to:

My gaze fell to her peaceful body, which was gracefully draped across the bed. Her silky hair was splayed out around her head. Her gentle face was slack with sleep, as if she were resting in heaven, drifting on a cloud. But in reality, she was in a messy house, with layers of dust adorning our castle of love...

And instead of writing:

It's because this is how our tale of love is; we can't be together, but also can, at the same time. Where you will not feel my presence but I will be always beside you. You might feel fear of falling, but I will be already crumbled to the floor to not let a single cell of your body get hurt.

Change it to:

Because that's what our love story is like—we can never be together and yet, at the same time, we can. You may not feel my presence, but even then, I will always remain beside you. You might have a fear of falling, but I will already have my arms spread out in front me, ready to catch you and stop your violent descent. I won't let a single cell in your body get hurt.

Genre relevance: 10/10

The author certainly hit the bullseye in terms of genre. Her writing breathed out romance and mystery. And although this is a fanfiction, the story was hardly reminiscent of BTS. But that was a good thing. It eliminated the stereotypical fangirling approach.

Reading enjoyment: 7/10

I did enjoy reading the letters Jin wrote. They were mournful, painful and beautiful nonetheless. I do wish, however, that the story had more body, more meat, to satisfy my hunger. I need the author to mix in a few more ingredients to add flavour to her underdeveloped plot. And the story also ended off with an undesirable cliffhanger. But it was an interesting one.

Overall thoughts and extra comments: 89/100

The writer obviously possesses a deft hand at crafting poetic masterpieces. The writing was brilliant, but the author could sprinkle a few of my suggestions onto her story to improve her work. It still amazes me that this short story was written in less than a day. I certainly don't have that capability. The writer should be really proud of herself.