Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ The First Mansoon જ ☾Aca☽

Book Name: The First Monsoon

Author: shairaholicx

Reviewer: AcapriccioRhythm

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Title:9/10

The title is quite interesting; it has the intended effect of drawing readers in. I just personally feel like there’s something missing for it to have an edge over other romance heavy novels.

Cover:8.5/10

The cover is quite beautiful, and really sets the scene with the rainy background, and colorful city lights. However, I think that the words, written in white, get drowned out by the colorful background. Other than that, I think it’s a wonderful cover that just needs a small tweak in terms of how the background color drowns out the title. I think maybe the lights in the background could be a different or lighter color, so as not to drown the title too much.

Blurb:3.5/5

From just reading the blurb, I feel like I already know how the plot will go. I also feel like I already know the characters, and how they will act and react in certain situations. Now while this can be a good thing, it does have its drawbacks. I do admit that the blurb is very good and interesting, with minimal and minute grammatical errors, but I feel like the length and the revelation of the plot makes me slightly lose interest because I feel like I already know where it’s going. It also feels like you’re following a sort of cliche trope where one character is strong yet has a hidden soft side, and the other has admired them from afar and when they meet, gets disillusioned. I am not saying it’s a bad thing, but for me it does give off that vibe. Overall, I think the blurb is very good. I just think some of the things written could have been withheld.

Grammar/Vocabulary/Technicalities:13/25

While reading the book, there were a lot of grammatical errors that I encountered. Though they were not as major at first glance, since I could still understand what was written, it is still a problem. One of the problems I encountered was the absence of space between a word and the quotation mark. For example: an investor asked,” What do you mean?”. The proper format would be to add a space after a word before a quotation mark, and not after the quotation mark. For reference: an investor asked, “What do you mean?”.

Another thing was the repetition of certain words, and a lack of a wider vocabulary usage. There is also the misuse of certain words such as “creaking” instead of “clacking” when describing the sound of the heels against the floorboards. Creaking pertains to a squeals heard against an old, slightly loose floorboard. Whereas, clacking would be more appropriate to describe the sound of heeled shoes. In general, however, I did notice frequent vocabulary misuse, which sometimes confused me, and even put me off from reading any further.

Finally, there is the issue of little to no translation when using words that are not in English. While I understand that using another language brings a more authentic and realistic feel to the story, it is also important to understand that without direct translations from the author, readers may feel like their immersion into the story has been disrupted. While one can argue that google is free, google’s translation is not entirely accurate.

Plot execution:7/15

The plot execution could use some editing. The pace is alright, although a bit fast for my personal taste. However, the transition of scenes and events are in a disarray. One moment the character is in this scene, about to report their findings to their boss, and the next they just left after calling their friend and talking to their boss’s acquaintance. It felt disjointed and, somewhat, careless.

I understand the need for a quicker pace, so the story can get to the romance quickly, but the way it was done makes it messy and hard for the reader to catch up with what is happening. There are also some key details missing in the world-building, which really affects the impact and the atmosphere the author wishes to convey.

I suggest slowing down the pace slightly, and taking time to build the world and the scenes. Try to describe the scene more, their location, and what the character is doing and feeling. And finally, try to immerse yourself in your own writing, put yourself in the shoes of a character, be it the main ones or just an extra, to get some perspective on these things.

Characters: 6/10

The characters in the story do not get enough recognition, and do not have much in their development to make them key participants in the plot. The author tends to introduce the character well, but does not go further into developing their own personalities. For one, I feel like the characters are one-sided. An example would be Majir who is said, by the author, to be intelligent, and yet there aren’t many scenes to actually show off how intelligent he is. It’s almost like his trip is to be the “funny and clumsy” guy in the story. As for Aarya, we get to see a bit more of her despite not having many scenes compared to her counterpart. And yet, she still falls on the “emotionless and cold unless with her lover” trope. I wish the author also showed us how and why she has to be this way; show us how she struggles and how she copes more clearly.

My suggestion for the author is to draw out their personalities through conflict, not just central conflict, but small conflicts that serve to highlight their personalities more. Try not to rely on stating that the person is this and that. I say this because I feel. Like the author is relying more on the readers to interpret what cannot be read (i.e. the scene where she showed Major is intelligent through his reasoning of the traffic - he wasn’t intelligent in my opinion, just good at making stuff up on the fly. There was also no accountability, just excuses. It doesn’t necessarily make him a bad character, just poorly written). Interpretations by readers are going to be diverse, and thus the author needs to take note on how to flesh out their characters so they also stand out in the story.

Creativity/Originality:7/10

The premise of the story is a common trope in romance novels. I think what makes it slightly different from other novels is the fact that it switches the cliches we often see. The story draws its originality from subverting our expectations of what is common. For example, male CEOs are more common in these types of novels, and they all follow the same format: cold, rich, and standoffish except when they meet their lover. Instead, the author gave that to the female lead, and allowed an Avenue for her to express her femininity as well. I also like how she still showed the struggles a woman faces in an office environment as a CEO - however briefly.

Genre Relevance: 5/5

I can confidently say that it is indeed a romance novel; from the start we get to see, and know, who the main characters are. There’s no question that these two will end up together in the end.

Reading Enjoyment: 5/10

I enjoyed reading the book, somewhat. There were a lot of things that really kept me from enjoying the book fully, and I had to reread sometimes just to understand and fully immerse myself again. It’s an okay book with room for improvement.

Overall thoughts and suggestions: 64/100

I think the book has lots to improve upon. I understand that English might not be the author's first language, and thus might not have complete mastery over it. I have enclosed my suggestions under each of the criteria above. I wish the author the best in her writing journey. Keep writing and improving. Don’t strive for perfection but progress.