Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ Mix And Match જ ☾ Helena ☽

Author: Eddy622
Reviewer: helixgro
Book: Mix And Match

APPEARANCE

I really like the cover of your book. I assume it stars the main character, Nsikan, which is a good method to help the reader imagine the appearance of the characters. The writing is clear and the image is also of high quality. I also like the title because of the parallel it has to Nsikan and Damian. It plays on one of the major themes of the story: the difference between the main pairing. The blurb is also well written and reveals a good amount of information, just enough to interest the reader. I would only say add in a little explanation as to who the Trix are in parenthesis, and separate Damian's part of the blurb in some way.

CONTENT

You have a very nice writing style. It is witty, interesting and upbeat, and you can grab the reader's attention easily. The plot of the story is also entertaining, especially any scene involving Nsikan. Her awkward moments (like trying to put Damian's spilt drink into his cup) gave me serious second hand embarrassment. It was fun to read. I liked the relationship between the main pairing, and every interaction between them reinforced their very prominent differences. I recommend adding "opposites" to the tags of your story. You clearly established the antagonists, who were the Trix. Queen's dramatic and violent bullying couldn't have gone unnoticed by the class, and even if Nsikan was unpopular it was odd that nobody ever tried to help her. Not even her friends. I definitely suggest adding "dramatic" or "drama" to the tags, to help people find your story more.

I liked how relatable the book often was. Nsikan wasn't a perfect protagonist: she was shy, she wasn't intelligent and she wasn't a pretty and perfect Mary Sue. She's also insecure. This really helped the reader feel more connected with the story, since she experiences the same problems as teenagers would. I especially liked the moment when she compared the Trix to a K-pop group, that amusing moment stuck with me.

I adored the friendship between Chuks, Stella and Nsikan. They're a trio to be jealous of. My favourite in particular was Chuks, with his kind nature and being a generally funny character. I also really liked Muller because he had a lot of memorable scenes and was a sarcastic and entertaining character to read. Overall, you write the relationships between characters realistically well.

However, one reoccurring mistake I spotted was the misuse of punctuation in dialogue. When a dialogue tag (said, asked, whispered) is used, the dialogue should end with either a comma, exclamation mark or question mark. Also, the dialogue tag itself should be lowercase (unless it's a proper noun), like this:

"Hello," said Stella.

When it comes to actions and verbs, the exclamation mark and question mark will remain the same, however the comma will be replaced by a period. Like this:

"Goodbye." She walked away.

Now, here is what you do. You combine the two punctuation rules together to create something like this:

"Calm down dramatic king," Stella gestured with her hand. "Just tell us what the classic is."

- Chapter 6

The comma after "king" should be replaced with a period. I recommend getting an editor who will go through your book and fix this sort of mistake when they see it.

USEFUL LINKS
https://www.authorlearningcenter.com/writing/fiction/w/character-development/6491/8-essential-rules-for-punctuating-dialogue---article