Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ The Unbreakable Love જ ☾Carmi☽

Book Title: The Unbreakable Love
Author: -Dxrk_quxxn-
Reviewer: Read-aholic2006
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(This review is based on the first 12 chapters.)
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Title: 9/10

I don't hate this title; I just think it's a little too conventional in terms of romance novels or fanfics. I mean, compared to other, more creative titles (The Fault in Our Stars, It Ends with Us, Pride and Prejudice), this one is rather low-key. I don't have any suggestions on how to improve it, though, as I don't know the whole plot of the story, but the writer could decide on something that stands out more. I also don't know how much the title relates to the story, but that's only because I've only read thirteen chapters.

Cover: 10/10

The title is clearly visible and I love the semi-cursive font. The sentence on the cover (True love can never be broken) could be enlarged or emboldened to make it stand out more. The image is very eye-catching and well-chosen. I also love the soft pink filter.

Blurb: 4/10

Sadly, this blurb is really confusing and not very informative. It only comprises pieces of dialogue between the MC and a few faceless characters. Here's a suggestion for a much more detailed blurb:

After Y/N and her father move to Seoul, she has to go to a new school—but not as herself.

When her uncle, the principal of the school, finds out that bullies are secretly strolling his hallways, he asks Y/N to find out who they are by disguising herself as a nerd. She's meant to go undercover, but it's hard to avoid the stares and whispers, because once you wear glasses, you get a lot of hate.

But when Y/N finally drops the act and reveals her true identity, she gets even more attention...especially from a certain someone.

Look, I really don't know what the main plot of the story is, so my blurb may have run off course, but I tried my best.

Also, if I'm being totally honest, the final lines of the blurb sound like they belong in one those ads that pop up in the middle of your YouTube video. Try to make your blurb sound a little less promotional and much more powerful.

Creativity/Originality: 10/10

In terms of the storyline, although I'm not exactly sure what the plot entails, the author seems to have succeeded in creativity. And her characters, despite being slightly cliché, have been designed by her own hand. And let's be honest, it's humanly impossible to come up with a completely original character at this point. That's why we're forced to settle for the stereotypical sweet but sassy MC who has a wealthy businessman for a father.

Plot/Flow: 17/20

As I've mentioned before, I haven't quite pinpointed the plot. Y/N had to pretend to be a nerd so she could fish out the bullies at her new school, but I don't understand why she has to disguise herself. She could've just been herself while keeping an eye on those who torment the other students. Or better yet, a more competent principal would've handled his own investigation and not hire his niece to offer up her identity.

I also found it unrealistic that no one recognized the MC after she dropped the nerdy act. Her face must've still looked the same; she probably only ditched the glasses. And why would everyone act so crazily after she drops the pretence? She isn't a celebrity in this book. Even if she's gorgeous and rich, no one is going to straight-up call you beautiful and follow you around like a pack of drooling dogs. But I suppose that's only my opinion.

The chapters aren't very long so you can slip through the pages rather easily. I only wished the writer included more information throughout her story—mention the name of the school, of her father's company. This would bring the story to life.

Characters: 8/10

Our MC's personality naturally floods her speech and actions. She's confident, compassionate and has a childlike humour. But her dialogue seems slightly immature. She says "pwease" instead of "please" and it's giving me toddler vibes. Although she seems somewhat submissive—she barely gave it a second thought before agreeing to go to school as someone she's not—doesn't cower in the presence of bullies.

But since readers mostly count on dialogue for descriptions, there isn't much characterization.

The MC soon makes her own enemies at her new school—one of which is Jungkook. But after she throws her geeky attire aside, they're no longer mad at each other. This sudden transition from enemies to friends is a little unrealistic. I would've liked it if there was still some tension between the characters before they all sat at the same lunch table.

Now, I'm usually really good at identifying the OTP; I mean, writers usually make it pretty obvious, pointing out who will end up with who. But this author threw me slightly off guard.

Writing style/grammar: 4/10

There are many grammatical errors: the omission of commas, the usage of the wrong tense or helping verbs and prepositions, some spelling errors, etc.

There's also no need to write the word "continue" at the end of each chapter. Readers already know there will be more to the story.

In general, I don't like stories in which the author uses "Y/n" to refer to the MC. I understand that this technique is used to transport readers into the story, but the constant use of this abbreviation is disorientating and rather frustrating.

This book is written in the dialogue format, resembling a play. So it's best to indicate the characters' actions or gestures in brackets and not asterisks. And if you mention that the character is laughing in brackets, there is no need to write "Haha." Also, if you want to break away from the dialogue and describe the setting or explain what is happening, then write it in italics. This way readers can easily identify which part of the story is the dialogue and which part is the narration.

The author often changes her narrative style throughout each chapter—she would write from the perspective of a limited omniscient narrator (using "Y/n") and then switch to a second person narration (directly using the pronoun "you") and then later she uses the first person narration, repeatedly alternating between these various POVs. It's greatly inconsistent and confusing.

The writer should also avoid abbreviations often used in texting, like plzz, ofc, hbu and so forth. It just makes the writing sound too informal and she also uses emoticons and emojis at some point.

I also found many of her descriptions to be colourless. The writer could reshape the following unedited paragraph:

We went in the restaurant and dad was I guess searching someone and his gaze felt on a table and he smiled, I turn to that direction and saw a couple sitting there probably the same age as my dad and a guy who is maybe 1-2 yrs older than me. We went towards them.

To something like this...

We stepped into the restaurant and were immediately greeted with the mouth-watering aroma of steaming food. My stomach growled with anticipation. As we walked further into the restaurant, my dad's eyes roved over the various tables and diners until they landed on a family of three, sitting in a corner. It was Mr Kim and his wife, their son seated beside them—he appeared to be two years older than me. We made our way toward them.

And change the next paragraph:

I woke up from my sleep and did my morning routine. Today I have my first day of school but...as a nerd *sighs* and then one of my maid who is really close to me came in my room.

To this...

I woke up to the sound of my beeping alarm. I sighed, remembering that it was my first day at a new school, remembering my uncle's request. I have to pretend to be a nerd. Why did I even agree to do such a stupid thing? With droopy eyes, I dragged my feet to the bathroom and combed through my morning routine. After half an hour, one of my maids entered my room.

Genre relevance: 10/10

This book is obviously a YA fanfiction; you can tell this merely by looking at the cover or by the characters' names. The story has some amusing elements to it and readers are eventually greeted by the romance genre.

Reading enjoyment: 5/10

I may be a little biased here. See, I'm not a huge fan of chat fiction. I enjoy reading descriptions, following a storyline, going on a journey with the various characters—not constantly running an eye over strings of dialogue. So this story doesn't have all the features of your typical book—there isn't much imagery or characterization or an apparent plot.

Overall thoughts and extra comments: 77/100

The author should definitely improve her grammar and focus on modifying the few descriptions she'd written. I'm certain so many readers would enjoy this book. The writer only has to work on the things I pointed out in the review and she'll have herself a masterpiece. Awesome work.