Bad Decisions (bwwm) [editing]

T H I R T Y T H R E E

I V Y

When I wake up I turn to the side wanting to feel the warmth I slept with but it's cold.

Empty.

He's gone, the sheets looked slept in but the body that slept in them isn't present.

I just sit up taking a deep breath and staring at the wall across from me for a second.

I finally stand up wincing when I do and walk to the bathroom, part of me hoped he was maybe in there showering but he wasn't either.

I suck it up though and continue my morning routine, my shower, brushing my teeth, doing my daily things.

When I put on my clothes and have my stuff packed I see the girls sitting by the counter all drinking water probably to cure their slight hangover.

"Hey Iv" Kimani smiles coming to me and I don't hug her I just smile. I feel out of tap of my own body.

"Are you okay?" Kimani asks seeing how i'm just maintaining distance and I nod semi lying, im fine, I know i'm fine, it's just part of me hoped he would still be there when I woke up, and he wasn't.

"How was the party" Leilani asks me and I just lean against the wall and shrug.

"I hid in the bathroom reading till I fell asleep" I straight lie.

"Hm, yeah I figured, I didn't even see Alex much by the time I did he was drowning himself in alcohol" Leilani starts with this Alex thing, my god here we go.

"Did you guys get into an argument? He was leaving the room very drunk mumble something about you" She's asks and I shake my head.

"I didn't see Alex all night" I lie with a straight face, I mean he left me like nothing happened so what damage does it do to forget the whole night happened, if I keep lying about it hopefully i'll even believe it.

"Why are you so concerned with Alex" Kimani asks her and I want to leave the conversation the more we talk about him.

"Honestly, I think old freshmen feelings are coming back, and I know you guys are gonna say I go through that with any guy but this is different, Alex and I talked last night" My eyes immediately widen, When the fuck did they speak?

"When was this?" Ciara asks looking at her.

"Well while he was drinking I came over and we talked, I don't wanna get into detail but I think he's feeling me too" She's smiling so hard, why is this happening right now.

"Then what happened" Kimani asks.

"He left drunk and then he texted me and said he loved last night, probably referring to the conversation we had" She adds, my god why am I so stupid.

Having sex with guys is something I don't think much into, but having sex with Alex, I hate him I don't even know why I did it.

"Ivy are you okay" Leilani asks me when she notices im literally banging my head against the wall in agony.

"Im going to go take my stuff down to the bus" I tell them walking to my room.

Absolute bullshit.

I grab my duffle bag and head outside, just my luck there's Alex getting out his room with Sasha.

He looks at me but I don't look back instead I walk in the opposite direction taking the long way to the elevator.

Once I make it down I put my bag right in loading area before going back up to our room.

"Ivy" Kimani calls my name out seeing me frantically moving around.

"What" I look at her and she furrows her brows.

"I don't know what's going on with you but i'm concerned" She looks at me while I grab more of the girls bags in the bathroom.

"Nothing going on, everything's fine" I try my to best to convince myself and her but I fail.

"Ivy, I've known you since we were both like 5, talk to me" She sits down next to me by the tub.

"I had sex with Alex last night" I start and Kimani widens her eyes.

"What? You're lying right, tell me you're joking" Her whole demeanor changes and I get mor worried.

"Im not joking Ki, him and I actually fucked and It was the best sex i've had in a while" I tell her and she stands up.

"I don't know why I woke up feeling like this but I wanted him next to me, I wanted to wake up to him holding me, I wanted to shower with him again, I wanted to kiss him again, everything about him is so intoxicating but when I did wake up it was empty and cold, I was alone" I explain to her biting my tongue.

"Aww Iv" She comes next to me hugging me.

"Does this mean you're into him, like you want to be more than friends?" She asks and I look at her like she's crazy.

"No, we're not even friends, Im just saying I need to distance myself from him" I explain to her and she furrows her brows.

"But you guys just hooked up?" She looks at me like im crazy.

"Exactly, it was a mistake, and he probably thinks the same thing too so its fine if we just stop" I tell her and she only sighs.

"Ill support whatever you choose to do Iv, I just wish you guys would talk about it because you go onto defense mode and put your guard back up. I know we were both raised to always have it up but Sasha is teaching me that its okay to break down the barrier sometimes" She holds my hand explaining and I just nod to confirm I hear her.

Theres nothing to talk about though, Alex and I had sex that's all.

The girls and I are sitting in the back of the coach bus, we've just been waiting for the driver man to pack up everything.

The girls and I are having an important lunch the second we get back so we dressed accordingly with a nice skirt and top, which is fine for this bus because it's hot on here.

Just when we're ready to go the door stops and in waltz half the boys team.

I assume some of them are on the second bus since its a smaller amount, I just hope Alex isn't with this amount.

But just my luck he is and he's talking with Sasha who is clearly going to want to sit with Kimani.

"Hey Iv, Hey Ki" Jacob waves to us as he comes to the back as well causing Alex to look right at me.

"Hey Ki, Hi Leilani and Ciara" Alex finally speaks up just acknowledging them and im just awkwardly looking out the window.

"Hey Ivy" Sasha speaks up loudly probably to antagonize Alex to make him realize he didn't say anything to me.

This whole situation is really awkward they're just standing up crowding the back.

When I finally take my eyes off The window I instinctively look towards Alex who's already staring at me.

I find it hard to break the stare with him hut I ultimately have to.

"You want to sit next to Kimani" I ask Sasha and he shakes his head sitting in front of us with Alex on the end and him by the window.

"Ivy talk to him" Kimani mutters in my ear and I roll my eyes.

This is going to be a long ride.