Bad Decisions (bwwm) [editing]

F I F T Y N I N E

I V Y

In the hospital when I woke up only my brother was there.

My parents were with Iris, she was the golden child.

When they got word one of their children woke up I know they were happy but when they walked in the room the smiles just didn't reach their eyes, they wanted it to be Iris that woke up.

They asked where Iris was and she was in surgery, it wasn't the accident that did it though.

It was her fall when she tumbled, it caught up with her and the car crashing just made it worse.

I had surgery too, there's metal on my arm and leg till the broken bones heal.

My arm was caught between glass so now there's a big bandage because it cut my arm up.

But my parents never knew that, they don't even think I broke a bone, they were too worried about Iris.

Maybe that's why I always defend myself so much because it started in my own home.

Nobody defended me, nobody being my parents, maybe because I was the middle child and I didn't need as much attention.

Isaiah is the oldest, then Iris, then me, then Ingrid.

Iris was their first girl and I guess that was important because my mom always wanted her own barbie doll.

Me and Iris were alike though, we both loved sports, it was never a competition for who's best.

But it was, I knew i'd never be better than Iris in my parents and I accepted it, I didn't want to be better than her I wanted to be her equal and I wanted to be treated as though.

Being picked up late from practice because Iris had a meet made me learn how to take the bus home because I hated to wait awkwardly and watch everyone's parents hug them and tell them how good they did at practice.

My parents came to my practices maybe once a month and I had practice everyday.

Maybe that's why I enjoy practicing alone without a crowd.

My parents did go to my meets but if it fell on the same day as Iris's Kimanis parents would record mine for them and take me out to eat with Kimani.

I doubt my parents ever watched my meets.

I would be home before they and they'd walk in with their arm wrapped around Iris's telling her how amazing she was.

I wasnt jealous, I was happy for her, I was always happy for her, I don't think I've ever felt a genuine jealousy towards her.

However it was a frustration with my parents.

I won't my first gold medal and they weren't there to see it, I got a congratulations and it was never spoken about again.

Iris got her first bronze medal and they took her out for Ice cream and told her she was amazing.

It wasn't jealousy, It was just a hope that maybe my parents would look at me like how they look at Iris.

Iris was my inspiration, I worked so hard because I wanted to be up there with her.

Soon once I started highschool I stopped trying to force my parents to look at what I did, Iris was two years older than me so she was starting her Daytona Nationals.

My whole highschool cheer career didn't matter, my parents probably came to six competitions total in those four years.

When Iris died it wasn't any better, If anything it was worse.