Bad Decisions (bwwm) [editing]

E I G H T Y F O U R

I V Y

The picnic is amazing. Sasha cried a little when we surprised him and it even made me tear up.

Right now I know Kimani and Alex are in the car leaving me and Sasha at the same beach Alex and I were at yesterday.

"You know Alex is a real idiot for doing a picnic on a beach. I swear I tasted sand in my strawberries" Sasha jokes and I laugh.

"Yeah he doesn't think but he doesn't it out of love" I smile.

"Y'know Iv, I truly love you, from the second I saw your miserable face at the stupid support group Alex and Kimani forced us to go to freshmen year, I knew you were gonna be a best friend" He wraps his arm around me while we sit on the picnic bench watching the same sunset.

"I love you too Sash, I remember when we first met and I said I had a dead sister and a family who blames me for it and you said you had a dead mom with OCD which everyone thinks she gave to you genetically. Then from that moment, we both started coping with making jokes back and forth with each other" I recap.

For a while when I wasn't in the gym freshmen year I was hanging out with Sasha, I didn't like Alex but Sash was the sweetest.

He was one of the first people I've ever met who understood how I felt. He lost his mom by suicide, her depression deepened and the OCD didn't help with the intrusive thoughts.

I remember Sasha telling me and even I was traumatized by the story. He felt the same guilt I felt of seeing the person you love most gone and feeling guilty like somehow you played a role in it.

There was never a day when I didn't tell Sasha his mom loves him and she's proud of him.

I know Kimani also tells him that too in her own words of course but it's been a thing with us.

We don't even have to have full conversations but waking up to 'Iris is proud of you' helped even if it felt like it didn't at the time.

"Alex told me about yesterday at the beach, I'm really proud of you Ivy it's been over a year since we met and you aren't as mean and close-minded as you used to be" I was never mean. I just was honest.

"Thank you Sash, you know I'm proud of you too, you've stopped the excessive counting down and I don't have to convince you that your meds would make you feel better" I smile at him and he laughs.

"I still count Iv," He tells me like it's news.

"I know that's why I said excessive cause you don't count every five minutes" I add and he laughs.

After a little more speaking both Alex and Kimani are back with more snacks because we ran out already.

After the picnic things start to get real the rest of my week was spent at practice. I landed the flip with Alex but now I can't land it here.

I wasn't upset though because I have human proof of me doing it. As each day passed it was getting much easier.

However, as every day went by the more information I got about that night with Iris and thankfully and finally I had something to turn in to the police.

They had to do their own personal investigation so they can't just arrest Alexis yet, however, that time is coming soon.

Sarah, on the other hand, I got something for her ass. My parents are going and they want to drag along a whole bunch of family because apparently, they believe this year is my 'Iris year' which does no help with the whole trying to be myself and not Iris narrative.

Saying that to say Sarah is coming to Daytona with my family and I'm glad she is because the next time I see her she won't see what's coming.

For Leilani and Layla, I have no words, I'm keeping my distance, I know Leilani was the one who called my father and don't him about the flip like a weird bitch so she's on my list too.