✔️ Tamed By A Monster

Chapter 12: Lonely, Alone

Your PoV

As Jennie left, I was left here as I can't get over what happened a while ago.

So many firsts time after a long happened right now. And I don't even know if I should be happy about it.

The first time I experienced this, all it brought is joy and love. As I know I am doing it with the person I really love.

But this time, the time when it has to happen again after a long, I can't believe it can be as scary as this.

I grab my chest as I tried to get on my breathing pace.

"Chill, it's just a kiss. As if I love you either?"

Jennie's words repeated in my head like broken tape. It's not like I wish she loves me. That's the last thing I wanted.

I know ever since I can't reciprocate whatever she'll gives to me. Especially since I have decided not to include any emotion in this unfinished mission that I am working with.

Jennie is just a vampire who owned me. Who had turned me into her kind?

But why I am feeling this way? I should have just kept my cool down. I should have just let her finish what she wants to do.

But maybe part of my old self is still in me. I can't let someone love me when I can't love them back. And mostly, I can't love someone knowing this is all about owning and nothing else.

She does own me, and that's clear to me. But owning someone doesn't give the same meaning as loving someone. And that's how I view Jennie and me.

I get out of the place and decided to go somewhere else. I am not sure if Jennie is in the room and it will be so awkward if I'll go back there.

I went to my place where I put all my work. As I got there, I just slammed somewhere else to take a rest.

Piles of papers and other paraphernalia were on my desk. My board is filled with written formulas. And even the ground has crumpled papers.

"I think it's a good thing this happened already," I told to myself.

I leaned on the wall as I stared somewhere else and think.

It's been years since she died. The last time I saw her, I haven't even said a proper goodbye. I haven't seen her smile after that battle. I haven't heard her talk since I escaped.

There are so many things I haven't done with her even for the last time. And that's what made it more difficult. It's difficult to say goodbye when the person you want to leave behind already left you.

And it doesn't mean that I want to leave her behind because I want to find another person to love again.

But I want to free myself from now a one-way love that I keep pursuing. That keeps locking me into misery.

And that doesn't also mean I would forget to get justice for them. I will still do it.

It's been 8 years yet I am not sure if I was able to let go of Tzuyu already. She's now dead. There's no way she can still return the love that I've been giving to her even if she's not around anymore.

And that being happened, just counter-strike what I believe. That I can't love someone who can't love me... Can't love me anymore.

Even if Jennie said it was nothing, I am feeling guilty over something that I shouldn't have anymore.

Tzuyu's dead, even if Jennie said there's no love in it, I still think that I am cheating on Tzuyu.

And it's kinda unfair on my side. I was blaming myself for something that I shouldn't have for the longest years of my life.

"Maybe it's time to let go. Not for the others but for me, for myself."

I sighed as I closed my eyes and imagined myself talking to her. That's the least I can do to feel like I am actually talking to her.

And it's sad to say that I am doing it every time I feel lonely. Sometimes, being lonely sucks. The fact that you had your chance not to feel lonely, because you know there's still someone who can make you feel better. But it was yourself who's locking you off.

I'd rather be alone than be lonely. It's kinda sad and a pity.

If only our end wasn't like this... Maybe it's easier to let go. Or maybe I don't even need to let go, because you're here. But that's not the case. The universe just gave me a short time to be with you and to feel your love. Yet it also gave me a long time to suffer for wanting your love.

"The universe knows how much I hope you're still here. It wasn't really easy to let go, even after the short time we had together. I fell for you so hard that I can no longer get up to help myself."

"Maybe if I was strong enough to save us. I could have saved you from death. Maybe I am still with you by this time."

"Unnie?"

I snapped out as I heard Ningning's voice outside the crib. I stood up and went out only to see not just Ningning but Jennie.

"I-I'm sorry unnie. Jennie unnie forced me to—"

"What's wrong with you? Just because of a kiss you decided not to sleep in the house?" Jennie said with her brows furrowed and arms crossed.

"Get out of that crap and go home now," Jennie said as she walked out leaving me and Ningning.

"Did I hear it right? She kissed you?"

"That was an accident."  I just said before locking the door behind me.

"Accident? I'm sure she's been wanting to do that."

"Ning," I called as I looked at her.

"Unnie, can't you give her a chance?"

"What chance? Ningning, we don't have feelings for each other."

"Well, maybe you. Jennie unnie has the biggest crush on you. Right after you saved Loco."

I stopped as I remained looking at Ningning. She did stop as she realized that I am not moving.

"Who's Loco?"

"Loco, her bear that she took care of since it was still a cub. Wait, you didn't know who Loco is?"

Bear?