Chapter 9

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Kora

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Kora

I had never felt so cold.

I could literally feel every inch of my body hurting, and my head felt like it was about to explode. I guess that's how you feel a week after getting your heart broken by someone that was not only supposed to be the love of your life, but your best friend. I had never really imagined that Luke and I would ever have to be apart from each other, so I never really got to prepare for this, for any of this. Maybe if I just had, the pain would have been way less, I wouldn't have been all cuddled up in my bed, depriving myself of light and food and crying my eyes out for a whole week. I could feel myself losing a lot of weight even though not everyone else could not really see it.

I heard a creek sound and could immediately tell someone had just walked into my room. It only took a while before I heard a tiny click and then the lights in my room came on. I could feel the light trying to blind my eyes, tightening my eyes close in response.

"Go away." I wondered if I had said that loud enough so whoever it was heard me well, raising my blanket over my face so my eyes didn't hurt anymore. It was like all my sense organs had been extra sensitive the past few days. I could hear the flapping sound of flip flops as my mum's perfume filled the air while she approached my bed and then I heard a rattling sound beside me. I could tell she had dropped something on the table. Food perhaps.

And there it came, her hands, reaching for my blanket and then pulling it away from my face.

Jesus!

I wanted to yell out loud as I tried to pull it back from her. I wanted it. I knew what she was trying to do and I honestly didn't want to stop mourning. I just wanted to be right here, right where I was. She was fighting so I didn't wrap myself back into my blanket. I had to let go.

"What?"

I finally opened my eyes so I could glare at her. With the way she looked at me, I didn't need her to tell
me I looked a mess, or my mouth stank. My mum took two short breaths and let out an exhale.

"Okay, I've had enough of this." She pulled the blanket completely from my body and I let her. I was out of energy to do anything. "What is wrong with you?" I rolled my eyes. "Look at you Kora, look at this?"
She gestured around my really scattered room, her eyes resting on the empty chocolate wraps on the floor. Yes, along the line, I might have engaged in depressed eating. Eating whatever junk and sugar I could find just like I always did every time I went through a lot. I rolled my eyes again. I just didn't care about anything anymore, especially not my weight.

"I just want to die." I told my mum. "I'm trying to make things bearable for anyone. Why won't you people even let me die."

"Shut it!" My mums words came with a hard slap on my arm that made me cringe.

"Mum!" I yelled at her, rubbing my arm as fast as I could because it stung so much.

"How can you be vomiting such rubbish from your mouth? I didn't raise you like this. How can you want your life to end because of a boy?"

I had tears in my eyes now as I glared at her, forcing the tears in my eyes from not falling. I sniffed.

"So what if Luke left you?" She continued. A huge frown covering her face. "Is he the only boy in this world? I have friends with rich and handsome sons. If you need a boyfriend so badly, one that would love and cherish you more than he did,  I can introduce you to any of them."

"That's the point Mum, none of them is going to be like Luke. No one can ever love me like he did."

"If he loved you then why did he abandon you?" She threw that rhetorical question back in my face. "If he really loved you then why is he making you go through all of this?"

I sniffed. Now I was going to cry again. I heard my mum exhale softly. She must have felt so moved again. I knew just how much she hated to see me cry, she was tired of it.

"You're still so young Kora, and beautiful. You're going to meet more boys, better boys. Someone that would treat you better. Maybe this is for the best, maybe there's someone better out there for you, someone that won't hurt you like Luke has done. Give yourself a chance, you have to let him go."

"He won't even see me, or pick my calls." I reminded her. When I thought of how I had waited and knocked at his front gate and got ignored everyday until the day before, it broke my heart all over again. "I just don't understand. I don't understand how any of this could have happened. I thought I did everything right. I can't believe-" I sniffed as a drop of tear fell from my face. "I can't believe he just threw me away."

I bit on my lower lip, trying not to cry so loudly.

"It's because he doesn't deserve you." She pushed herself closer to me and then gave me a gentle pat on my head. "Kora, even relationships and close ties like the one you had with Luke can fail sometimes. Everything doesn't have to last forever, sometimes when people leave, they leave so we can grow."

"I can't believe I'm taking relationship advice from you right now." I snorted loudly amidst my tears, forcing myself to hold back all that laughter as I cleaned my eyes. My mother was obviously the last person to take relationship advice from. With four failed marriages and a baby she had no idea who was responsible for; me, For someone who somehow managed to be at the top by sexually affiliating, getting married to rich men and then getting divorced right after, until she somehow became a mistress and then a wife to her current husband, I just never thought I was ever going to see that day.

"I know." She chuckled. "I'm really surprised. I guess it's time for me to grow too."

"Yeah." I sniffed, wiping my tears with my oversized hoodie. I chuckled lightly.

"You'd be fine K," she reminded me. "There's always going to be a light at the end of the tunnel for us, for you, just like there has always been, but you have to want it. You have to eat first, and then take a shower. Racheal's going back to school today. "

I scoffed.

"Short break's over. Your step father wants the whole family to see her off- if you can't make it, I could tell him you're not feeling okay to join us."

I shook my head. I couldn't. I didn't want to or was it that I had other plans? I watched my mum nod her head. She should have known that there was no way I was going to be interested in seeing Racheal off. We didn't have that kind of relationship in the first place, besides, I didn't think she'd want me there either.

"Okay." She nodded. "I'd just go check on Mike now and ask one of the maids to come clean this place up. It looks like hell." She stood up. "Make sure you eat all that food okay? And take those drugs too." She kept her eyes glued on me then she turned.

It was only a second before she turned back and reached for my bed.

"I'd take that." She took my blanket and then folded it into her arms. She didn't want me throwing it back on my body, I knew that for sure. She pointed at me. "Eat your food."

She turned and then walked away from the room.

I sniffed.

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