Second oneshot book

Changed~Style (South park.)

I like making continuing things about old oneshots. In my first book, I have a K2 thing called 'I know' which paints Stan in the wrong light. And as I believe Stan to be much better, I wanted to give a point of view from his side of the thing.
Warnings: I tried this being fluff but ended up with death.
Age: 15.
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Stan's POV (my less used vocabulary seems to come out with him more... weirdly.)

There is something very majestic to the way snow falls. It looks like almost dancing of sorts, the falling is beyond fast or slow, it can't really be described. I'm from a place with a lot of snow so I never learned to appreciate it before global warming became a bigger threat. I could never understand why kids would play around in what's sort of like a cold version of pieces of paper, torn into pieces small enough to fit at the tip of a two years olds middle finger. It seemed.... idiotic almost. But now, I can appreciate the fact something like snow actually exists for kids to play in. If it's possible, I was much more apprehensive with most things as a child and even if I still am a very cowardly person sometimes.... I like many things that made me anxious (maybe even frightened) or annoyed before now. It's rather strange how much more I love things that never mattered before and how many things I hated are now likable to me. Alike to that, I don't wait for summer like crazy anymore. I can take my time with all the seasons around me, now summer forever seems like anguish. I'm grateful for everything I have gotten and everything I have learned in my life. Even if I'm not particularly gifted or amazing. I'm not a genius, I'm never going to be winning any competitions with how well I do sports, I will never make the best art out there... I will probably never even get through to all I've done, how much I have hurt people. I've been drunk, I've said things that aren't exactly the most endearing things to say.... I never thought all that could hurt anyone. Not my best friend, not my ex girlfriend.... I just, I know it's not an excuse... well it is but an unsuitable one. I shouldn't tell any 'justifications', that's going to hurt even more but I loved him. I was... inebriated at the time I wanted him to die.... I never meant it, I never could. I could never wish death upon him if I wasn't a drunk back then. I've grown out of it, even if he won't see that fast. I'm sixteen tomorrow, I was fourteen when it happened.... couldn't be there. I couldn't watch the love of my life fall off a roof. But it was more than that... he said he loved me too but then when I could turn, we were DONE to him and he started a relationship with him.... in all honesty, I don't blame him for anything, Kyle wasn't at fault anywhere. But Kenny is a different story for me. I thought he would hurt my best friend, just like he hurt all the others that dared to catch feelings.

So when Kyle came to me when I was drunk, I didn't think anything. I was so angry. Again, I know I have no right to use these pathetic alibis but I can pretend to stand over here and look at all other things that I could blame. I am definitely miserable by both definitions of the word.

So I yelled at him. I screeched, I roared with the most anger I have ever had behind my voice... and his eyes just went into a hurt but he said nothing, he walked off. I didn't even realise I could have possibly caused such sorrow with my pitiful words. I have heard them all and I didn't even realise I could hurt without a weapon, without fists.

In a way, I could cause a massacre with my words... which is an another thing I have learned to appreciate. How beautiful MA is with an accent. Massacre and magnificent as well as major and managed or anything alike all are my favourite things to hear with an accent. I especially like the word magnanimousness or words like maladminister or masochistically, all of which I didn't know a while ago. I think it sounds beautiful, I don't know what there is specifically about those letters with each other but MA is incredible to listen to. Especially when someone outside of the USA says it. I don't know, I sort of know I'm babbling... I'm probably avoiding facing anything.

We fought with Kenny again. He thinks it was my fault, it was. I'm just not the one to burn myself, even if i'm guilty of something. In a way, I don't want other people hearing how helpless I feel about this thing, about his death. I am going to stand strong and admit fault when everyone is over what happened... but truly... I'm sorry. But at the same time, right now, I don't have time for blaming anyone. I'm working to secure that Kyle won't be forgotten and that these situations don't happen quite as often as they have been happening nowadays. People say I must have some hope, I don't, I show people things like these, like writing stories about suicide while everything in my head in screaming that I need to go, the other side's waiting. But I can't go before I have secured that they don't follow suit.

Ky would want that and I have an apology to make.

I put the flowers on Kyle's grave, looking down at it for a while before smiling slightly. Not because I'm actually happy or anything...

'I will always love you, dead or alive. I'm sorry this had to be you but I'm thankful for you.'

As I read the note, I feel the new snow drop down. I wave goodbye at the grave and take my steps off. The snow'll melt, it's too early in the year for it to stay above a few days. Still... it's very bewitching when it falls from the sky, from the clouds. It feels like the cold has something to it other than bringing home cold...
...oh I wish Kyle and I could enjoy this together... he'd be smiling and I would admit to him being the most marvelous thing this world has ever seen. I can admit it all I want but he isn't smiling anymore, maybe in pictures but nowhere else.