Second oneshot book

Bother~Style (South Park.)

I woke up to a panic attack last night and literally had nobody so I was shaking and trying to calm myself for SO LONG. And then I was calm enough to sleep and woke up to the panic doubled.
Warnings: Cursing and probably mental health.... no, that's not a fucking warning. It's apart of life.
Ages: 16.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kyle's POV.

I just sigh, looking at the teacher as she rants. Fuck this. Who needs all this?

"Kyle! Are you listening?"

I look up, sighing.

"Of course."

I can't help the sarcasm in my voice.

"Oh okay, good."

Stan rolls his eyes at me before turning back to listen to whatever she's saying. I just continue my daydreaming. Who the fuck likes this anyway? You have to go for a VERY specific position for you to use crafts in any form and you have to be very goddamn school oriented to listen in any form. As sad as it is, I can't be bothered with this shit. I can't bother with anything at all anymore but I don't even care.... I don't even bother to bother with the fact I can't be bothered. Isn't that fucking nice? Isn't that so great? I'm a ticking time bomb for a fucking change... these things don't matter anymore, I can't be bothered with anything. Yet people think I bother because I succeed. Fuck that! I can't be bothered with all this shit in any goddamn form. Honestly, most people in my mental health drop out by now. But I won't.... for the possibility I have a future. Doesn't mean that falling asleep to a fucking panic attack every-single-night and sometimes waking up to that same panic still inside me.....—never mind... that doesn't matter. What I meant to use as an excuse? No, doesn't exist. Everyone gets anxious from time to time, it's completely normal to live every goddamn day in a panic. That's what people tell me that is.... seriously, anxiety has been a trend for a long while now. People who don't have anxiety suddenly have anxiety and don't even show anything classified as anxiety. They have natural anxiety and as someone who suffers from the illness... the actual illness called anxiety, sometimes I want to strangle each one of the people that use it as a fucking excuse. 'Oh I can't do this, I have anxiety'. SHUT UP! It's possible to be like that and if that is the reason, DON'T FUCKING TRY. Shut up about this 'I need to get over it'. If you truly can't do it, shut up and don't do it. It's such a bullshit thing to say that shit about 'needing to get used to it'. If you truly are unable to do it, you can say no. People might not understand, they are not friends then. It's fucking annoying to think about it! What the fuck is the idea with making other people's lives inconvenient because you feel like you can't do it? It's stupid above anything.

"Hey, Kyle. Are you going on an inner rant again?" Stan asks.

"I-I, no," I lie, looking down in semi shame.

"Aw. Don't be so sad about it, it's adorable."

"Oh it is now? Wasn't when I was ten."

"No, it was. I just had no idea what adorable was back then."

"Shut up."

"Nope."

"You're a fucking bastard."

"My parents are married, thank you very much."

"Correction: were."

"Shut up."

"Honey, that sounds like something I would say."

"Oh yeah. I wonder why."

Both of us start laughing, smiling at each other.

"Imagine if we were this bitchy!" He says.

I laugh yet again.

"Towards each other? That would be fucking terrible!" I say.

"It would!"

I don't know why this is so hilarious to us, we always think that stupid things are hilarious. It's kinda our thing. And yes, we are that level of familiar with each other to have more things than most people have with people they've known for 50 years. The years feel so long, it feels like we had known longer than that. Way longer. But i'm 15 right now.

"Hey, Ky," he says.

I look at him as he bows, smirking slightly. I start laughing again.

"You planning to save somebody?"

Both of us are laughing at that. Stan might be the only person that really keeps me sane today, maybe Kenny. The only people who keep me from actually drowning in something I can't really describe. I love being in the fine situation I am, I love the fact that even if I can't bother anymore, there are two people I can definitely bother for. One of them is my best friend and the other one is something..... beyond that, I'll just say it that way. Because I'm gay and I can't help falling for the people I'm the closest to. Kenny? He's my best friend and we have had these romantic things (dated for like a year but got out of it. Not that neither of us don't love each other, we both just like other people more.) and then there is Stan, the boy I left the relationship because of. He's really adorable and I wish I could tell him that I love him.... Wait, I can, i most definitely can.

"Kyle, there is definitely something going on today," Stan says.

I sigh and look at him with the best smile I have.

"Stan... I just wanted to tell you something."

He laughs and leans against the table. He acts like he's hiding being maybe excited... I can't really tell.

"Stan, look.... I like you, a hell of a lot. Like, you have no idea about how much I actually like you and I just— I thought you'd like to know," I say.

He smiles before taking a deep breath.

"I— thank you," he says.

Oh fuck this shit, of course I was assuming.

"I thought I would have to do it."

Wait what?

"No, seriously, I was debating being a fucking asshole and just get over it without mentioning it at all. So thank you, I wouldn't ever have the fucking guts."

"So um... wanna go to something?"

"I mean—why not?"

I laugh yet again, this time a goddamn awkward one, maybe even relived.

"I mean, library?"

I roll my eyes.

"Planning to squish some tutoring out of me?"

"What can I say? I am kinda selfish.