🌟She's Special🌟

Who (Am) I?

I don't know. I'm still upset. Ugh. I've talked to Mom about it and I still just don't feel happy about it. What do I do? I didn't tell any of my friends about it, not like they wouldn't care but they wouldn't get it. Except for Hannah. Maybe I should call her. The rest wouldn't get it because they're white and they already know everything about themselves. Or should I call my Aunt? We haven't hung out in a minute. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. It's a bit hard for me to make my mind up.
"Hannah?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you free this week?"
"Sorry, I'm really busy. I have family stuff. What's the matter you sound sad."
"It's about me. I think it's better to talk in person."
"I get it. Look, I'll try to find some free time and I'll meet up with you. I don't want you sad."
"Thanks. I have to go now."
"Alright, feel better." I called my Aunt and she answered really quickly.
"Hey, sweetheart."
"Hi. Aunty, I was wondering if I could ask you a question."
"What is it?"
"Where am I from? Like my black side."
"I see you! Alright, baby girl your Dad is Trinidadian. That is a country in the Caribbean and I'll explain so much more another time because I have a meeting to go to. I'll text you okay?"
"Okay."
"Bye, sweetie. Stay safe."
"Thank you." I haven't really had a conversation with anyone. At least I tried.
"Bella, I made sandwiches. Are you hungry?"
"Not really Lucy. I'm just going to take a nap."
"Alright. I'm here if you want to talk."
"Thanks." Sometimes I realize that I get sad over things that aren't even worth it. It's really dumb and I still don't understand why I act like that. To this day, ever since I was five years old.
*********
Therapy
I giggled as she told me her embarrassing story.
"I'm sorry to laugh, but that's actually kind of funny."
"I know, I was so naive back then."
"Naive?"
"Naive meaning I didn't understand a lot of things. I was innocent."
"Oh! I'll keep that in mind. But, I'm not sure what embarrassing story I'd share."
"You don't have to share if you don't feel comfortable. It's completely up to you."
"Thanks. It's not like I have many anyways. I es wondering if we could talk about something that's been on my mind for a while?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"I've been a bit worried...Well, I don't think the words are worried. I've just been kind of wondering about where I'm from because I feel left out. I'm not saying this to be offensive or anything but a lot of the people around me aren't half black. They don't understand the things I feel or my life in general. Majority of my friends are white. I have yet to find someone who's mixed like me. I don't necessarily have a friend that I could go to and talk to. I feel like it's one of the reasons why I am the way I am. I just don't have people to talk to about it."
"Are there any mixed people in your school?"
"Well, yeah. But, I don't really talk to them because I have my own friends."
"This is a problem that I'm recognizing also."
"What?"
"I have patients who are mixed kids as well. Actually, my daughter who's a tad bit older than you is mixed as well. Something that I realize is that you guys long to fully understand yourselves, but you're hesitant to really explore. It's normal to feel hesitant, it's okay to be scared too. But, once you start your journey into understanding who you are as a person. It'll truly be worth it." I smiled while holding my favorite pillow and nodded in understanding. As I have gotten older, therapy has really become something important to me because it's where I release all of my negative energy and really get the chance to think about why I'm upset. I love it.
***********
My Office (Olivia's Perspective)
"Hey, honey."
"Hi Mom, Hi Auntie Amanda." My daughter has successfully taken the train here alone and it was a big step. I knew that eventually, I was going to have to let her take the train to school every day, but she was my baby and I just wasn't ready yet.
"How did it go?"
"It wasn't difficult. I've already memorized how to get here from dance." I touched her cheek playfully and she laughed.
"I'm not six anymore!"
"Did anyone tell you how adorable you look with that hairstyle? It reminds me of when we used to have our girl nights and I'd let you do some face masks."
"And I just wanted to eat them." She fixed her headband and played with my fingers as Amanda and I talked.
"Oh, definitely. It's ridiculous, and he's not getting away with it." I packed my bag and saw Bella looking at the pictures on my desk.
"Auntie?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Remember that time we went to the carnival and Jesse threw you popcorn on the floor?"
"Definitely. But she was a toddler she didn't know any better. But now she's 9 and Billie's 5. Everyone's growing up."
"What's the plan for Jesse's 10th birthday?"
"She wants a spa day with her and her friends. Something we can actually agree on."
"What was the other idea?"
"You don't want to know. I've been trying to teach Jesse the value of money, but she isn't getting it."
"I see where she got the stubbornness from." I joked.
"Mom? What are we doing today?"
"You tell me. It's just you and I."
"Where's Leia, Noah, and Elliot?"
"They went on a little trip together. Remember?"
"Oh."
"Bye guys."
"Get home safe!"
"Mom, is it true that Uncle Carisi is going to be an ADA?"
"Yeah, it is."
"He'd be a good ADA. Like Barba."
"That's right honey. That's right." I put my arm around my daughter as she told me about her dance lessons.
"And are you nervous about that?"
"Yes, and no. I'm used to it but it still works the nerves." She buckled up and I couldn't help but just be so grateful that she's happy and healthy.
"I love you."
"Love you too Mom."
"Mom, when we get home can we watch a movie?"
"What movie?"
"I kinda wanna watch the Watsons Go To Birmingham. I like it."
"What's it about?"
"It's about a family from Michigan in the 1960s who goes to the south to visit their family and things happen."
"Like what?"
"If I said it I'd be spoiling it."
"Is there racism in this movie? You don't have to be embarrassed to tell me."
"Yeah at some parts."
"Then maybe this'll be a good movie for both of us to watch." Bells had this peculiar look on her face.
"Honey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, my stomach just hurts a bit."
"It hurts?"
"Yeah. I'm hungry."
"I thought you ate this morning. Did you not see the food I left you? And the note?"
"What Note?"
"Oh sweetheart, did you eat?" She nodded truthfully.
"Maybe the note toppled over."
"What was it about?"
"It was about how you've been feeling this week so we could talk."
"I've been great!"
"I could tell." We went inside the house and Bella played around with Ryan.
"Mom, can we get a pug?"
"Bella, we've talked about this. You have a perfectly healthy dog in front of you."
"I know but I love pugs."
**************
Our Living Room (Bella's Perspective)
After watching our movie we ordered some dinner and Mom said brought me something.
"Is it a new shirt because I'd love that."
"No. It's a spit cup."
"Why would you need that?!"
"I know you've been wanting to know about your heritage. I was wondering if you were okay with giving me a sample. So we could both figure out where you're from."
"That sounds nice, it just came out weird Mom." I smiled and looked at it.
"Don't watch me spit that's gross." I gave her back the thing and I gave her a hug.
"Oh-"
"Thanks for always caring."
"It's what mothers do. I love you so much and I'd do anything to make you happy. You make me so happy!"