Imagines; BTS

Another Addict; J.HS

"I don't know why I stay." I told him as we laid on our shared bed, staring up at the ceiling in previous silence. The distant sound of cars and city life played in the background but it was almost comforting. Hoseok didn't turn to look at me, keeping his eyes trained on the lightbulb that sat over our heads.

"You stay because you love me." He told me, fingers drumming against the skin of his stomach. A slight breeze fluttered through the room, causing goosebumps to rise against my skin. I couldn't hold back my scoff. Love? What Hoseok and I had was not love.

"You'd really call this love?" I asked humourlessly, feeling a headache begin to spread across my brain. It was a hint that I had gone too long without a fix but I never wanted to touch another substance as long as I lived. Hoseok audibly gulped, shifting uncomfortably before he turned to look at me, eyes glossy with what I supposed were tears.

"I'd like to think that, although very fucked up, we love each other more than we love ourselves. I would do anything for you and I know you'd do the same for me. In the end, it's just me and-"

"So why don't we get clean for each other?"

There was silence after that, Hoseok simply staring at me, eyes darting towards the door every so often. I could tell that he was getting antsy, his fingers twitching and hands clenching into fists every so often. The feeling of need washing over his body was one that I also felt, but I had always been better at suppressing the feelings than he had.

"Where has this come from all of a sudden? The drugs just make everything easier for us and you know that. Come on, I can call Yoongi and get him to put us on for another week, how about that?" He was now leaning up, his head resting on his hand as he looked at me. The words were frantic and rushed, the panic he was feeling so obvious that I couldn't help but make eye contact with him.

"You know we aren't good for each other Hoseok."

"I don't care about that."

"You don't care about the fact that one of us is probably going to end up dying soon?"

"But we're careful, we aren't like everyone else!" He replied indignantly, eyes wide and pleading.

I shook my head and sighed, lifting myself up so that I was sitting instead of laying. It was hard, the ache of going too long without substances making it hard for me to move. If I wasn't dedicated, I don't think I would've been able to move from that bed.

"Are you leaving?" Hoseok asked, voice shaking slightly from the nerves. I held my breath for a second, closing my eyes in order to collect my thoughts. Everything was too loud, even though there was only Hoseok in the room. It was still dark out, and it felt like it had been dark forever.

"Yeah." I replied, not moving from where I was sat. The sharp intake of breath from behind me made my heart ache, the sobs making me want to bash my head against the wall and never wake up. Hurting Hoseok was the last thing I would've ever wanted to do but I also couldn't continue living that way.

Everything was about drugs. Our apartment was empty, barren of the possessions we had brought with us when we moved in together. Everything that was sellable had long since been pawned or sold cheap for the next fix. It was no way to live and we were fast running out of ways to get what we wanted, what we needed. Along the way, we lost sight of what really mattered - us.

"You're really gonna leave me here like this? Where will you go? Are you gonna run back to mommy and daddy, hoping that they'll take a thief back into their lives?" Hoseok spat harshly but I didn't react, only causing him to become more irrational. He was a desperate man trying to cling on to the only person who had made him feel something in a long time.

"They'll understand, I need all of the help I can get." I told him, moving my legs so that they hung over the edge of the bed, my feet planted against the carpet. I could feel the burns in the material, probably where one of us had carelessly flicked ash or even a joint. A rush of hopelessness was quickly spreading through my body but I pushed it back, fighting with it.

"What about me? What am I supposed to do?" Hoseok asked quietly.

I turned to look at him, searching his face. The face that I had fell in love with was almost unrecognisable to me, his cheeks and eyes sunk so deep into his face that it was almost scary. I knew that I mirrored him. The one thing that never changed was the way he looked at me, the entire galaxy embedded deep into his irises.

"You have people too Hoseok, you just need to realise that I'm not one of them. We are not good for each other and we're slowly killing ourselves."

"I'd kill myself everyday if it meant I got to stay with you."

I frowned slightly and reached over to grab his hands, fingers softly brushing against the bruises and burns that had accumulated. His palms were sweaty and he looked pale but that wasn't because of me.

"I don't want this anymore." I told him, eyes delving into his in hopes that I would catch a glimpse of the man I had once known. Where did everything go wrong?

"Please don't leave me." He whispered, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. I closed my eyes and leant my forehead against his, hand reaching up to caress his cheek softly. My thumb wiped away the tears that fell but they didn't cease, his cries only getting louder.

"We've been hardly holding on Hoseok, I'm honestly surprised that we got this far. This isn't a goodbye...it's a see you later maybe?"

He snorted at my attempt at softening the blow, obviously not believing my words but accepting them anyway. We both knew that staying together just wasn't an option anymore.

"Yeah...a see you later."

(A.N ~ Kinda thinking about making a book about this ngl)