Imagines; BTS

Good Enough; K.NJ

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The quick movements of your nimble fingers tugged at individual sections of your hair, twisting it into ways that seemed appropriate as your eyes searched over the girls' faces in which Namjoon had been seen hanging around with lately, trying to imitate the way they seemed to have their hair pinned up.

Their bodies were perfectly lean and thin just how you'd wanted yours to be, muscly but still feminine which was also something you never thought that you would achieve for yourself. Even after all the dieting and exercise you'd been doing for weeks, Namjoon failed to pay even a lick of attention to you compared to these other women that he was seen hanging around with.

It was true and noticeable that you'd changed immensely throughout the period of time that you'd been dating Namjoon, people not being able to recognise you when they passed you in the streets and doing a double take once they did. Your own mother had gasped in utter shock when she'd seen what you had done to yourself, no longer seeing her daughter but a shell of her, a mere shadow of the woman you used to be, the one she raised.

Insecurity had dragged you through hell and back, breaking your soul and mind but Namjoon had been the match to the gasoline. 

Even little things such as the way you talked or walked had changed to the way you thought Namjoon would like, even if you sometimes slurred your words or missed steps and tripped a little.

Nothing ever seemed good enough for him, the makeup and new hair never drawing his attention like he used to. Saying that, Namjoon rarely even stayed in the same bed with you which was unusual for a couple that had been dating for years.

It had gotten to the point actually to where you'd starved yourself for days on end, running and doing anything you could to forget about the hole that Namjoon was leaving within you, both physically and mentally. Your brain found that physical pain was the only escape from the complete turmoil that was going on in your head.

"Are you okay Y/n?" Namjoon asked, concerned as he could see the bones sticking out through your ribs and finally noticed how weary you looked. Merely nodding, you continued to press his suit for the next morning like the 'perfect' little wife that you thought Namjoon wanted you to be.

But in reality, Namjoon just hadn't paid enough attention to you and the things you did for him, only realising the damage that had been done once it was too late for it to be reversed. Softly, Namjoon pressed his hand to your shoulder and peered around to look at your face properly, then realising the loss of light in your eyes that he'd fallen in love with. You didn't seem like you and that bothered him a lot, making him feel like an imposter was trying to act like you when it wasn't like that.

"Y-You look sick Y/n, so unhealthy. Have you been starving yourself? When was the last time you drank water? I'm scared for you!" Namjoon yelled at you, noticing the way you flinched once he'd commented on your appearance, the one you'd worked so hard on to achieve because you thought that was what he wanted.

All you'd ever wanted was to be good enough for him but in your mind you'd failed, miserably, and there wasn't a feeling comparable to it.

Suddenly, your legs gave in from under you and you crashed to the ground, ear splitting cries leaving your mouth as you hugged yourself, skeleton-like arms holding you together whilst your mind fell apart from the inside out.

Panicking as he didn't know what to do, Namjoon scooped you up into his arms and held you close to his chest, careful not to hold you too close in case any of your bones had become brittle and easily broken due to your carelessness.

He consoled you with tears running down his own cheeks in long streams, whispering sweet words and expressing his love for you better than he ever had before. Faced with what he had unknowingly done to you, Namjoon knew that he had to change for the better.

The guilt that was coursing through his body was enough to drive any man mad but Namjoon kept calm, keeping his focus on the woman he loved and her wellbeing.

"It's okay, I love you Y/n, only you, only you. I'm so sorry for not being here for you and making you think that my feelings were any less than they are. In my heart, you're the only name that will ever occupy it's space, i've given you my heart, you own it. It's my fault for neglecting you and taking advantage of the fact that you'd never leave me, I'll never do it again I swear it Y/n. You have to be healthy and happy, that's all I've ever wanted for you." Namjoon whispered genuinely into your ear as he rocked you back and forth whilst caressing your cheek with the back of his hand, wiping your tears away with a heavy heart.

This would be a day that would forever haunt Namjoon, seeing you so broken and beat down just tore Namjoon apart and killed him.

Slowly, you came down from the mental breakdown and was able to bask in Namjoon's warmth and affection. It was bliss, to be back in his arms after going so long without even so much as a goodnight or good morning from him.

So the two of you just sat there on the kitchen floor, smothering each other in your mixed scents and sharing kisses that made up for all the ones you had missed out on having. Even though it was going to take an immense amount of time for you to be back healthy again, with Namjoon it would fly by and be nothing but a mere memory of the ups and downs of your relationship.