Imagines; BTS

Cant stop thinking about you; K.SJ

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Jin sat at the bar with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, lifting it up to take large gulps of the acidic liquid every couple of seconds. Even though he hated the burning sensation it left in the back of his throat, Jin continued to do so in hopes that it would stop his thoughts. Everything seemed distorted, not real as he stood up to attempt to leave the bar, his feet seeming to move in an irregular pattern as he managed to make it outside, the cold winter air causing him to take a step back. It wasn't that this feeling wasn't familiar to him though because this was all he ever felt now that you'd gone, cold constantly settling through his body no matter what temperature the air was.

This had been the repeated cycle everyday ever since you died in a car accident as Jin blamed himself, maliciously beating himself down every second of every day. You had been travelling to pick him up from a bar that he'd been drinking at when a drunk driver smashed into your car, instantly killing you and taking you from Jin. That night, Jin had eventually passed out whilst waiting for you and only found out from an old friend that had woken him up after finding him in a bush. The funeral had been beautiful but Jin had been to drunk to attend, not having been able to face your family and friends after he was the main reason that you'd been taken from them.

No one blamed him for his actions, giving him time as he had just lost the one and only girl he had ever loved. Nobody attempted to stay with him or help as he'd turned everyone down that even tried to speak to him, only receiving a glare from the drunken man. They couldn't imagine the pain that he was going through and decided that maybe being drunk was the best thing for him, only being able to hope that he would soon get out of his stupor and continue living his life as you would've wanted him to.

The Next Morning
Jin slowly opened his eyes, the comforter around him not being enough to make him feel at ease as he groaned from the major headache he was experiencing. People would think that after such a long time of drinking that Jin would be used to this feeling but he never would be, always experiencing the pain as if it was the first time. The constant pain that was lodged inside of his body would never be silenced and Jin knew that for sure. Nothing could ever numb the pain of losing you, the love of his life, his best friend.

He didn't know how he'd gotten home, not being able to remember any of the events that happened the night before but not caring too much about it either. This was a regular thing for him now though so he didn't think too much of it, not exactly wanting to remember anything. Some nights, Jin would wish that he would lose his memory of everything but then knew that he'd rather live with the memory of you than without. His mind instantly went to you and his eyes began to swell with tears as he burst out crying again, not being able to stop the flow of water that was running down his cheeks.

Stumbling, Jin walked over the wardrobe and pulled all of your clothes off of the hangers before throwing them on the bed in a large pile. The wide variety of polaroids that you'd stuck on the mirror of you and Jin were also carefully placed on the bed as to not get squashed or bent. He had already used up all your perfume by spraying it on your pillow as to keep the smell strong, tricking his troubled mind into thinking that you were still there.

After he'd gathered everything he needed, Jin laid in the middle of the pile of your clothes and stuffed his face into your pillow. The soothing smell of you caused Jin to relax, taking deep breaths as to take it in as much as he could in order to find some sort of peace. The pain that came with losing you was worse than any type of pain Jin had ever felt, ripping him apart from the inside out. He wouldn't have wished this pain on his mortal enemy, having figured that it was the worst thing that a person could go through.

"Come back to me." Jin croaked through his sobs, directing his words to his favourite polaroid of you. The smile that graced your face was a bright and happy one, making the sun seem to shine brighter behind you as you held your hand out for Jin to take, his fingers barely grasping yours when the picture had been take . Thats exactly how Jin felt, as if he were close to you but not close enough, fingers just skimming across your skin before you were gone again. It scared Jin to think that he'd have to carry on life without you by his side, it wasn't something he wanted.

But there was nothing he could do but sit in that same room he had decorated, made love in and cried over you in, clutching the only pieces of memories that he had of you and who you were. Jin watched as life passed him by, leaving him behind to wallow in his grief until he was old and grey, the same pain and sadness inhabiting his heart as it had when he was 29.