Imagines; BTS

When he's insecure; P.JM

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The soft dripping of the rain hitting the ground outside of his window was all that Jimin could call company as he sat in the silent quiet dorm room, stress and anxiety weighing down on him like a ton of bricks. It made him feel as if he couldn't breathe, chest restricted as he struggled to take in enough oxygen. Insecurity was written all over his skin in permanent marker as he stared at himself in the mirror, his shirt held in his clenched fists as he picked out everything that he thought was wrong with his body.

"My thighs are much too thick, I can feel them wobble slightly when I dance. My abs aren't visible enough because I keep allowing people to distract me from working out and my skin is too tanned to be beautiful." He mumbled to himself quietly while judging every patch of skin that was on show to him, hating the way he looked so passionately that he wished that he could peel off every imperfection and build himself a new body. The darkness off the room didn't stop him from scouring every part of his body, hands maliciously tugging at tiny deposits of fat on his hips.

Jimin had been on all types of diets, as extreme as you could possibly get, in hope that they would make him feel better about himself but they didn't, only making him weaker so that he couldn't practice as hard as he wanted to or sometimes needed to. Envy coursed through his veins as he stared at the other members, jealous that they were so tall and lean but still muscled to perfection without even trying. They were everything that he wanted and aimed to be. No one knew about these thoughts as he made sure that he kept it hidden as he knew that people would either make fun of him or worry about him and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Jungkook can eat whatever he wants without putting on any weight at all, how does he do it? No matter where we are he's always eating something, sweets and sugary drinks alike. Maybe I should just stop eating all together." He whispered to himself in wonder as he covered his face with the crumpled shirt, not wanting to look at the reflection in the mirror any longer as it disgusted him that much. These type of feelings only came to Jimin once every so often, usually when he was stressed or overworked but there was no telling how long they would plague him for. The last time it had happened things had gotten so bad that he had ended up in hospital due to a serious nutrient deficiency.

The other members were extremely worried for Jimin having noticed his irregular eating habits and increased practicing hours, though Jimin didn't know this. They knew that Jimin was going through a dark time again but didn't know how to help, choosing to leave him and hope that he resolved his issues alone as they knew he would only become hysterical if he thought he was making them upset. You didn't agree with this at all, often going in and out of the room to check on him to make sure that he was at least getting the vitamins and water that his body needed whenever you had the chance. Each time you did though, Jimin would become as cold as he had ever been, brushing any questions off whilst pretending to be busy.

"Jimin? What are you doing in there?" You asked cautiously after walking in on Jimin glaring at the mirror with pure hatred dripping from his gaze and hearing him speaking to himself in utter revolt. You hadn't meant to eavesdrop but you were more than glad as you could put a stop to the malice. Shocked, Jimin snapped back to reality and quickly tried to cover his body, fumbling with his shirt to pull it over his head as he was embarrassed to let people see it due to how insecure he was.

"A-Ah Y/n, I was just g-getting changed when you came in. Why do you a-ask in such a worried tone?" Jimin stuttered nervously while pulling sweats over his shorts to cover his thighs and calfs, hands shaking and palms beginning to become clammy from sweating. The sweat that was gathering on his palms irritated him as it told him that he was beginning to get nervous and that made him feel weak, as though he couldn't handle his nerves like a normal person. It made him feel even worse.

You looked at Jimin with nothing but sympathy in your eyes as you too knew how Jimin felt, sitting for hours and criticising your own appearance whilst also comparing it to others. It was a poisonous mix but you'd carried on living, hiding it behind a happy facade. Nobody noticed as you plastered bright fake smiles whenever you were around the others so that they wouldn't suspect that something was wrong, though deep down you were crying out for someone to help you.

"Jimin, just because of a diet and singing out of tune or making a mistake on stage, doesn't mean you have to be stressed out about it. It's honestly no big deal! No matter what you do on stage, it won't change the fact that you're the coolest performer i've ever seen. I'll love you no matter what." You said while walking towards him with arms open wide, inviting him to walk into them and bask in your body heat. The small, hopeful smile on your face made Jimin's heart ache and his body yearn to be closer to you but he refused to allow himself to move.

"How could you love someone like me? I'm hideous." Jimin exclaimed loudly while pulling on his hair out of frustration, the moonlight entering the room through a small gap in his curtains. Your hands dropped to your sides in disappointment. What were you going to do when Jimin felt so lowly about himself ?

"You're not hideous Jimin, you're perfect. Don't you see the millions of girls and boys that support you through everything? Don't you realise that you have 6 amazing members that are there for you whenever you need them. And if you don't see that, don't you see that i'm right in front of you, willing to do anything for you to be happy?" You whispered as you slowly moved over to stand with Jimin, wanting to be closer to him so that he knew you were there for him.

Jimin let out a shaky breath and ran one of his hands through his hair, messing it up but to you it still looked perfect. After knowing Jimin for years, it was easy for you to tell that he had a lot going on in his mind that he was reluctant to tell you. From past experiences with Jimin's mental health, you knew just how low he could get sometimes.

"I can't stand to look at myself anymore Y/n, look at me! Actually, don't. With all of the self hatred that I have, I just feel like crawling into a ball and hiding away so that nobody will ever see me again. I can't deal with it anymore, it's exhausting." Jimin rambled, finally being able to get a small portion of the weight on his chest to float away. It felt good to talk to someone about what he was feeling, a therapeutic feeling.

Slowly, you approached Jimin and once you were close enough you wrapped your arms around his neck and held him close to you. Almost immediately, Jimin completely relaxed his body into you and let himself sob into the crook of your neck. He needed you, more than he ever had, and you were more than happy to be a shoulder that he leaned on.

"I'm always here for you Jimin. When the world seems like it has turned it's back on you, i'll be here with my arms open wide, waiting for you to come to me. It may not seem like much but you'll always have me and i'll never turn my back on you. I think you're perfect in every way, i hate that you don't see it." You mumbled comfortingly while rubbing his back in small circle.

Jimin felt his heart lift, a small smile making its way on to his lips as if he wasn't crying. He realised that you had always been there for me, even when you were both children. Yes, he couldn't see himself the way that everyone else saw him but as long as he had you then he didn't really mind.

Slowly, Jimin leant down and kissed you softly. You slightly tensed up, shocked at his actions and Jimin pulled away, thinking that you hadn't wanted it or seen him the way that he saw you. Panicking, Jimin began to walk back with wide eyes, babbling apologies and saying how stupid he was.

"Jimin, come here." You said softly, offering your hand to him once again. Uncertainly, Jimin took your hand in his and slowly stepped towards you. Both of your hearts were racing as the distance between you became smaller and smaller, the scents of each other enveloping around the other and inviting you.

As soon as Jimin was close enough you wrapped your arms around his neck once more and slowly pushed your lips against his, making it clear that you felt the same way as he did. United as one, Jimin felt as if his insecurities had melted away as he melted into the kiss, allowing himself to be overwhelmed by your every touch.