TNP's 1st One-Shot Story Writing Contest Pt. 2

Entry #182

Stars Falter Too

by Ferdinne Julia

The sound of laughter, classical music, and clinking wine glasses echoed through the hallways. Wearing a white mermaid tail gown, Razelle sat in the corner of the event hall forcing a smile as her parents were expecting her to be at her best behavior especially now that there are a lot of people eyeing every move they make. A lot of nobles and politicians are invited because her dad is the mayor of their town. Tonight was a very special night for her parents as this is their 25th wedding anniversary so even though these fancy parties weren't her thing, she doesn't have much of a choice. The town is already in modified general community quarantine so I guess it's quite alright to hold these gatherings and celebrate.

She was supposed to grab another glass of water when someone approached her.

"Razelle, hi! It's been so long! You were so little when I last saw you!" It took Razelle a while for her to recognize who she was talking to—it was her, Dr. Tambaban, her mom's colleague in the hospital they own. "You've really grown beautifully, Razelle. What grade are you in, hija?" Dr. Tambaban asked.

"I'm in grade 12 po, auntie. I'm currently in the STEM strand po." Razelle answered shyly. She's not used to accepting compliments as she always preferred to be in the background and not receive too much attention.

"Wow, that's great! Are you also taking medicine like your mom? I'm sure you'll do well. Your parents must be so proud of you." Before she could even answer, she felt her mom's hands on her waist. Her mom gave her an assuring smile and answered the question for her with full conviction.

"Of course we are proud of her! And yes, she will be taking medicine, right, honey?" Razelle did not say anything else and only replied with a sheepish smile because honestly, it was a choice her parents made for her. Dr. Tambaban and her mom continued talking as she excused herself.

Clouded with the overwhelming pressure and expectations her parents and everybody else had burdened upon her, Razelle decided to go to the balcony to take a breath. She let out a loud sigh and stared at the stars. Who is she kidding acting all this great and mighty? She's not a star that can outshine the darkness! In fact, it was her light fading as she slowly drowns in oblivion.

Mabilis na natapos ang selebrasyon. Nang pumatak ang alas dose ay nagsimula nang umuwi ang mga bisita. Nauna ng nag-paalam si mommy na pumasok sa loob kaya't sumunod na rin siya habang ang daddy naman niya ay nanatili sa hall upang makipag-usap sa mga kapartido nito. Matapos magpalit ng aking pantulog ay binagtas ni Razelle ang hallway papunta sa study room ng kanyang mommy at daddy. Honestly, she still haven't gathered enough courage to tell her mom nor is she sure if she is ready to crush her parents' dreams for her but it's all or nothing now. Sapagkat kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa siya makalalaya mula sa pagkakakulong sa kanilang mga ekspektasyon?

"Mommy?" Tanong ni Razelle nang buksan niya ang pintuan. She already figured that her mother will be here since her mom is a workaholic and there she was, sitting in the office chair of their private study room in front of a lot of papers scattered on the study table. She signaled for Razelle to come inside as she was reading some important file. Razelle took a deep breath and sat at the chair in front of her mom.

"Ma...I can't imagine myself in med school. I want to pursue literature." It came out as a whisper but the look on her face confirmed that she heard her loud and clear. She saw how her mothers' face displayed irritation and disappointment from nothing in but she didn't say anything. She never looked at Razelle and continued to read her files. A scoff would have been better... anything but this cold treatment. She completely ignored Razelle and acted as if the latter had said something irrelevant and it is tearing her apart. Siguro nga'y wala na talagang pag-asa.

Ibinaba niya ang aking tingin nang may isang luhang nagpumilit na lumabas. Tumalikod siya para sana'y punasan iyon ngunit makulit ang kanyang mga luha. Tila nagrerebelde at tuloy tuloy na umagos hanggang sa hindi na niya kontrolado ang mga ito. Ilang beses na rin niyang sinubukang tignan ang pangyayaring ito mula sa kanyang imahinasyon, maging na rin ang mga posibleng kalabasan ng kanyang pagtatapat, ngunit iba pa rin pala talaga kapag nariyan na mismo. Her imaginations were completely different from what happened tonight.

Lumabas siya ng kwarto sapagkat pakiramdam ko ay lalo lamang lalala ang sitwasyon kapag ako'y nagtagal pa. Imbis na dumiretso sa aking kwarto ay napagdesisyonan ko na tumuloy na lamang sa teresa upang huminga. After all, talaga namang nakapagpapawi ng kanyang lungkot ang buwan at mga bituin.

"Masaya bang maging isang manika, Razelle? Controlled, deprived of the right to choose..." Razelle turned around and saw Anthony, her brother. "This is your life. You're meant to be in charge of the path you would want to walk through. There are so much more in this world to discover than what you are seeing. You're barely even scratching the surface! You shouldn't let them tell you what to choose nor who to be." she looked down. He was right.

Growing up, Razelle and Anthony didn't really get along. They were polar opposites and Razelle was too afraid of her brother's aura. He was the prodigal son; he always did whatever he wants, dismissing their father's commands, and pursuing music even though their father wanted him to become a lawyer while she was the obedient one; agreeing with everything that their parents says and doing anything they wanted her to.

"I wish I could pero hindi mo ako katulad, Anthony. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Your family took me in, fed me, clothed me, everything I have now is because of your parents and I have to repay their kindness." The Marquez family adopted Razelle when Mrs. Marquez had her third miscarriage. The doctor said it would be dangerous if they tried again so they decided to adopt. She was meant to be a replacement in the first place and she's fully aware of that.

"By being a substitute? By sacrificing your own dreams? Iyan ba talaga ang gusto mo? To hell with their domineering nature! Come on, you're still in high school. You're supposed to be carefree and have fun! You're seventeen, Razelle, you're supposed to be seventeen." he said and drank his beer.

"Anong gusto mong gawin ko? Sabihin mo nang duwag ako pero hindi ko kayang hindi sumunod. I don't want them to regret adopting me and refer to me as an ungrateful brat. I'm scared, Anthony. I'm scared to tell them that I don't want to take medicine because I know they wouldn't approve of what I want; scared to disappoint people; scared of what they might think and say; scared of not meeting their expectations. I-I don't want to stain the family name." Razelle did her best to hold back her tears but her emotions got the best of her. This was the first time she had said these to someone else. All this time, she had been carrying the burden of becoming someone worthy of the Marquez's surname alone. But after all she had done, her sacrifices, her achievements, no one still paid attention. Nothing she does is ever enough. She was deprived of love and comfort and the emptiness kept crawling back, making her strong personality falter. Love is rare in this kind of world that she sometimes think of how it would be like if she stayed in the orphanage pero wala nang kwenta ang pag-iisip ng ganon. It is what it is at ang nangyari ay nangyari na. Kailangan na lamang niyang tanggapin ang katotohanang iyon.

"Poison is anything beyond our needs and fear is one of them. Whatever you do or how desperate you get, don't take it. Be brave enough to face every struggle head on; huwag kang magpapalamon. I know that we're not that close but I kept a close eye on you, Razelle. I haven't said it before but I have always been so proud of you, sis. You are and you will always be one of the best things, so please, live." after that, he turned his back and walked away. Razelle stayed a few more minutes in that balcony, internalizing her conversation with her brother and everything he had said to her, before going back to sleep. To her surprise, she was able to sleep soundly that night. Who would have thought that one Anthony Marquez would be enough to lessen every worry she had burdened upon herself? However, that was the first and last conversation they will ever share.

His love was the warmest color she wouldn't be able to see again. Anthony hanged himself that night. Those words...He was trying to save her with those words because he knows he's already deep in the midst of losing himself. He was helping Razelle in fixing herself while breaking in the process and today she realized... he was only stopping her from becoming someone like him.