Love in the leaves [Kakashi X Reader X Itachi]

Shattered hearts

---Kakashi's pov---

Lifeless. That was the best word to describe me at the moment. My body was as good as healed but my mind had never been as broken as it was now. Thousands of thoughts kept swirling through my head, all of them leading to yet another thousand ideas and scenarios but none of them providing me with the answer I so desperately sought.

Where was Y/n? Was she safe? Had she left me out of her own free will? If so, why? Was she hurt? Or even worse, dead? The last thought made bile rise in my throat and I swallowed harshly, trying to get the foul taste out of my mouth. The world was a large place and I had no leads on where she could be. The only thing I knew was that Tsunade was adamant about not telling me anything while it was clear that she knew more.

Why wasn't she telling me? Did I not prove my loyalty to Konoha and my Hokage during all my years as a shinobi? Did I not earn at least that bit of credit? It was infuriating and intriguing all at once.

I restlessly turned around again, my face buried in Y/n's pillow. Her scent lingered in the cotton pillow cover. I missed her and everything about her. Her scent, her cheezy jokes. The way she would complain about the mess in the house while she was the main contributor to that.

The bed squicked as I turned around again. The ceiling hadn't changed one bit during all the hours I spend staring up at it. What could I do to find out where Y/n was without getting marked as a traitor? Tsunade was keeping an annoying close eye on me. I could feel at least two anbu members around our shared home. Their chakra was unfamiliar and yet, my experience and told me I was spot on about the goal of their mission.

Keep an eye on Kakashi and report as soon as he makes a move.

I could always try and send out a clone but if they were properly trained anbu they would recognize it immediately. Just to be sure, one would be ordered to follow the clone around, the other would stay put or even try to enter my home to ensure that I was still there.

I groaned in frustration and pushed willed myself to get up. I had to do something, anything to keep me from driving myself mad. A shower would be a good place to start.

I let my clothes fall to the ground without care where they would land. Y/n wasn't here to scold me so what did it matter? The water was still cold when I stepped into the stall but the cold didn't bother me. Nothing bothered me other than the obvious. I washed my body and hair, scrubbing my skin until the water started to run cold again.

With a towel wrapped around my waist, I made my way back to my bedroom when a series of knocks on my front door caught my attention. I quickly threw on my mask before making my way over the wooden flooring, not caring who would see me in my state of undress as I opened the door.

Anko's light brown eyes scanned over my shirtless torso before traveling up and linking with my own onyx one. "I thought you might want to go to a bar and get drunk."

She didn't say anything else. It was more than clear that she knew what was going on but I didn't know how to respond. On the one hand, drinking myself into an absolute state of oblivion was exactly what I wanted but what I shouldn't do. I should stay sober, trying to figure out where Y/n was and maybe even more importantly, why. But after days and nights of thinking, my mind running in the same endless circle, I allowed myself to make the wrong decision.

I opened the door further and stepped back, giving Anko room to walk in.

"Give me 5 minutes to get changed."

Anko positioned herself on my couch and I made my way back to our bedroom to get dressed. And that's when I noticed something. I had been in this room for days, not able to sleep in our bed without knowing where Y/n was. I had not changed into clean clothes, I didn't shower, I walked around here like a zombie but now, it suddenly caught my eye. The broken picture frame that laid on the floor. The small drops of blood painted the shiny shards red.