Love Me | MarkNoHyuckMin

chapter ninety

Taeyong sips his coffee, eyeing the male in front of him with a mix of caution, curiosity, and confusion. All of which he tries to downplay whenever the two make eye contact. Jisung sighs for the third time, displaying the same amount of boredness he's had since they sat down.

It's not until he sits up and Taeyong looks scared that he changes his expression, rolling his eyes. "Really?"

"For all I know, you texted me to beat me up."

"I wouldn't do that." Then he murmurs, "Your boyfriends and Haechan would find out."

"So the only thing saving me is other people? Great."

"I didn't text you to beat up you up, hurt you, or even threaten you. But I might take back that last one." Right as Taeyong is about to question him, Jisung speaks. "I came to apologize."

"Wait, what?"

If Jisung wasn't convinced that any kindness towards the male, internal or external, would seem like friendliness rather than tolerance, he'd admit that the way Taeyongs brown doe eyes widen, confused shock on his face is kinda adorable.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Taeyong looks away, filling up with shame. Jisungs eyes soften just the slightest, the male not meaning it as harshly as the other is taking it. "I didn't mean it like that."

The older male nods. "It's okay."

Jisung frowns, being reminded of Jaemin. The male is part of the reason Jisung is even doing this, but now he's just thinking about his best friend and how he lets things go as not to cause trouble. He's sure that's what's going on in Taeyongs mind, and he doesn't want it to be.

"No, I'm really sorry. Not just for this. I need to explain." Taeyong nods. "I wouldn't-shit, um, can I be blunt about this? It's not all gonna be friendly."

For the first time Jisung has seen today, Taeyong smiles, chucking at him. "I don't expect it to be any different."

"Okay, well, honestly, I had no intention of having this conversation with you but I suppose this is why you surround yourself with people who will talk sense into you."

"Who do I have to thank?"

"Chenle and Haechan mostly. And a little bit of Jaemin."

"Haechan?"

Jisung nods. "He still cares, you know. That didn't just go away."

"Oh", Taeyong says, unsure of how to think and feel. He makes a "go on" gesture with his hand. "Continue."

Jisung nods, not wanting to say this part out loud but knowing he has to in order to get his point fully across. "You're not the only one who was stupid in high school and hurt their best friend." Taeyongs eyes widen but he tries to covering it up by sipping his drink. "I'm gonna make this short because I really don't want to admit it but if the, like, fifteen people, I don't fucking know, in our mutual friend group know something about you, I can tell you this. In twelfth grade, I liked Haechan but he didn't like me and Jaemin liked me and I knew there was someone who did want me so I tried to use Jaemin but nothing ever happened 'cause Jaemin actually carries all the brain cells."

"Yuta told me you're clumsy sometimes but I've never taken you for an idiot."

"I'd like to think I'm better now", Jisung says. "Anyways, I did that and I hate myself for it. It is the worst thing I've ever done and I want to punch myself and on bad days, if I'm not already thinking about it, I'll torture myself with thinking about it and I tell myself things like I don't deserve his friendship his love, any love or happiness, blah, blah, blah. I don't know what you're thinking but I assume your thoughts are similar. And Yuta told me that what you put yourself through in your head is worse than what I can do and I believe that. Not just because I'm guessing at what I'd deserve if Jaemin actually got mad at me, but because I know how cruel your mind can be and...there's someone who feels guilt a lot. I know he puts himself through so much and I know I'm biased, but I really don't want him to hang his past over his head. And Jaemin doesn't want me to hang what I did to him over my head."