Love Me | MarkNoHyuckMin

chapter ninety four

Renjun moans into the kiss, smiling against Winwins lips. He loves kissing, but he anticipates the next steps even more. His happiness increases when Winwin pulls away. Then one second, two seconds, ten seconds and his lips never come.

Confusion takes over his face when he realizes that Winwin is now sitting up on the edge of the bed. He sits up too and reaches for the males back, only for Winwin to tense and move away. It's only a tiny movement, but it's so much considering the mood.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to do this anymore."

Questions after questions run through the smaller boys mind, all begging to be voiced but he settles on just one. "Why?"

Winwin sighs deeply, shoulders letting out a little shake as they slump down, showing Renjun just how heavily whatever's going on is weighing on him.

He finally looks at Renjun. "What am I to you?"

"What?"

"What am I to you? What are we?"

Renjun blinks, wondering where the male is going with this. "We're...we're best friends and we-we kiss and stuff. I thought you were okay with this. I wouldn't have let this keep going if I'd known you didn't like it."

"That's the thing", Winwin says, hating himself for what he's about to say. "I was okay with it. Or I tried to be. I just wanted you." Renjun stares at him, still not quite understanding. "Renjun, I don't want anybody else to be like this with you. I don't want anybody else to kiss you or touch you like I do. And I don't want you...to love anybody else. To fall in love with anyone else. I want you to fall in love with me."

Like a lightbulb, everything seems to click in Renjuns brain, shock taking over his features as he thinks about what's happening right now. What he knows is going to happen. Before he can help it, a tear escapes his eye. And then another and another.

He wipes them away, trying to keep control of himself. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

It breaks Winwins heart seeing the boy he loves crying and there's nothing more he wants to do than wrap Renjun in his arms and tell him it's okay but he's been ignoring his own feelings for too long. He's hurting too.

"I know you didn't know. Even Haechan said you're kind of an airhead."

"That idiot", Renjun says with a humorless laugh. But his lips quiver as he thinks about what's to come. "Are you gonna go away?"

Winwin lets out another sigh, rubbing his hand through his already messy hair, making it even worse, which, in Renjuns opinion, just makes him look hotter.

He doesn't have time to focus on that though as Winwin responds, "I don't want to. It seems impossible for me to stay away from you. Even if I wasn't in love with you, I still wouldn't want to stay away." Renjun cries even more at the direct admittance of Winwin being in love but Winwin isn't looking at him so he doesn't notice and continues. "I don't know what to do. I know this has to stop. I honestly shouldn't have let it happen in the first place but I did and that's on me. I'm not gonna leave but I think I need distance. For myself and you as well. You should be able to be with other people and date and kiss and fall in love without thinking about me. And I, as your best friend, want to support you. I still would be but I can't do much right now. Not when I'm still wishing the person you choose will be me."

"I don't deserve you." Winwin doesn't have a chance to respond before Renjun lunges at him and wraps his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. It takes Winwin a moment to figure out what to do but he can't ignore the soft cries from Renjun or the fact he loves him. He wraps his arms around him and holds him right, savoring it before he won't be able to hug him like this again.