Change My Mind

Chapter 127 - Decisions

Lily's POV

Ever since last night and this entire day today, I've been going in circles about how I need to handle every single thing that's happened this past stressful week. I've been going back and forth between many different solutions, each single one having its pros and cons.

After my breakdown yesterday, I knew that it would only get worse if I don't do anything about it. I have to do something or I'll lose my mind.

I've thought it through, losing my sleep over it, getting distracted by it during all of my classes, even when I went out for dinner with everyone and I plastered a fake smile on my face. I knew I still didn't have the right mindset to do any schoolwork so I didn't even bother when I got home.

I've thought it through and I've finally come to a decision. I've made a decision and all I can do now is wait for Harry to get here.

El left to spend time with Louis in London so I'm left all alone.

As I sit here waiting, I find myself questioning whether I'm making the right decision. I find myself thinking about anything else that I can do that will work but as I think about it on the long run, I know that it'll just make things worse.

I have to do this. I have to stay with my decision. It'll be better for the both of us.

Harry has his last London show tonight and then he's going to take a private jet here to Manchester. It's only an hour flight so he should be landing soon since it's almost midnight. I wait in the living room, right by the front door.

He said that he'd just get someone to drive him here from the airport so that I wouldn't have to pick him up.

I was relieved. Waiting here for him will be better than letting my decision pan out at the airport.

I sit on the couch in complete silence. I turn on the TV to try and distract myself from talking myself out of what I'm about to do but it doesn't work. It's like my conscience is screaming at me, telling me that I'm about to make a horrible decision.

I turn the volume as loud as I can handle, trying to get it to drown out my thoughts. It's so loud that I almost didn't hear the knock on the door. My heart starts to pound and my stomach drops.

I lower the volume before I turn it off and stand up. As I make my way to the door, I take a deep breath and force yet another smile on my face. I take one more breath as I lay my hand on the doorknob.

I know I can't prolong it any longer so I open the door and look up at the one face that I've been longing, as well as nervous, to see. My smile becomes a little bit more genuine when I look up at him smiling down at me. When he steps forward and wraps his arms around me, I immediately close my eyes, trying to hold back my tears.

However, the longer he hugs me, a sniffle escapes, causing Harry to pull back and look at me with worried eyes.

"What's wrong, baby?"

I fake a smile and shake my head. "Nothing. I...I'm just happy to see you."

I release a breathy laugh as I wipe my eyes, seeing Harry look at me with concern. I know that I need to do this now. I can't delay it any longer. It'll only get harder if I keep avoiding it.

I clear my throat. "Can we talk?"

My voice is unusually squeaky, knowing that I only sound like this when I'm nervous. I can tell that Harry can sense it because a look of nervousness washes over his face. He's probably confused as to why I'm not excited to see him.