A Goodbye Letter

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TW: Mentions of suicide, self harm, things like that. If you don't feel comfortable with that then please don't read this.

To the woman I loved, to the woman I never stopped loving, to the woman who broke my heart, to the woman who continued to hurt me even as friends, to the woman I wanted to marry and spend forever with, to Regina.

Alot has happend since that day in September when we had that fight and you left me. You changed, I changed. I made a big mistake that nearly cost my friendship with you, that nearly cost me ever getting a second...About my thousand second chance with you. We continued to try as friends after that, I couldn't bare to be without you because I cared for you and I loved you.

Things were going fine, we were close to being eachothers again but somewhere down the line...You distanced yourself. You wouldn't message, you seemed uninterested in what I had to say. It was like you were bored of me. I won't lie, you made me feel like shit. I did things to myself that I regret.

I called you out on your bullshit and I lost you for a few months.

I thought I would be broken, I thought I'd be miserable but it turns out, I was happy. Lily, she was there and she helped me...But then you started posting cryptic stuff that made me think it was about me. I messaged you for the first time in months. I shouldn't have, I knew I shouldn't have. Lily warned me not to but I didn't listen and I shouldn't have.

At first I thought you proved her wrong. You proved me wrong...But you didn't. You were nice and you made me like you again...But then you changed once more. You began to ignore my messages. You began to turn into a nasty little bitch. I tried so hard to be nice.

I didn't go mad at you for it, I explained how it made me feel yet you continued to do it. No excuses for the things you said and how you treated me.

I have to be open and I have to be honest. I'm not strong like everyone thinks I am. I'm weak. I've self harmed alot more than I used to recently, because I need to feel something and when I feel the pain, I feel the anger and the sadness you have caused me to feel go away. It's a release.

We've stopped talking again and I'm slowly getting better. I'll hopefully be having a fresh start soon but not in the way I had planned for so many years.

I haven't thought about ending my life in months but these past few days I feel like I'm losing control. Lily has hardly talked to me, nothing is going the way I planned and I don't even try to think of this, it just comes to me but, I think about ending my life at random times.

The things you've said get to me. The way you treat me, get to me.
It gets to me in ways you don't understand.
Words hurt. Words break my heart. Words make me weaker. Words make me want to die. Your actions make me feel like I'm drowning. Your actions make me feel like I'm worthless. Your words and actions made me feel like you never cared.

Call me dramatic, call me crazy, call me a bitch, call me an attention seeker, say I'm going too far but I needed help. I needed your help but you didn't want to know me.

I loved you, I cared for you, I trusted you, I cried for you, I missed you. But it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough.

A part of me feels like you won't care. A part of me feels like you won't check up on me. A part of me feels like you'll be happy to know that this is my goodbye letter.

Your words hurt me. Your actions hurt me but you were too blind to see, too blind to care. Too stubborn to give a damn, too wrapped up in your little world to care.

I loved you.

But it wasn't enough.

I wasn't enough.

Emma.

Regina finished reading the letter, tears flowing freely from her eyes. She didn't notice the signs. She didn't realise what she said hurt, she didn't realise what she did hurt.

And now it was too late to take things back for as she read the letter she was too scared to read, she stood in front of the grave of the woman she had let down.

"I'm sorry." She cried, but sorry wouldn't bring Emma back.

That was the cold and upsetting truth, people don't realise what they've done, until it's too late.

A/N: Just a little something different there. This is somewhat based on true events and I just wanted to bring attention to this topic for the younger readers, and older readers who don't understand.

Think about what you say to someone. Think about how you treat someone because your words and actions can have a bad effect on someone. You could be talking to a person who is at the weakest point, something you say might tip them over the edge.

Just please be careful with your words and actions. Let's all be nice to eachother. Forgive and forget stupid things. Be there for eachother. Don't let something you say, be the last thought in someones mind. Let's spread more love and no more hate.

I'm sorry if this isn't something you enjoyed reading, I just had to get certain feelings out whilst also bringing attention to this sort of thing. Thank you for reading.

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