Renae Dreams 2

61.)

      It's been two days since the incident and although Bryson was trying to go back home, Karen and King refused to let him leave especially with the way he was feeling.

Tamia had managed to fill Keenan in on what's been going on and he was nowhere near happy about the things he's been hearing about.

He knew something was up because Renae hadn't answered his calls and she always answered. So until he called, Bryson wasn't allowed to leave and Renae was stuck in her room moping around since they wouldn't allow her to leave.

"Maybe if you talk to me I could help," Ayanna suggested as she sat next to Renae in bed as she worked on a few poems.

"I don't have anything to talk about, everyone already picked a side," Renae replied picking up a different pen and Ayanna frowned.

"I've been sitting here for over two hours and you've managed to write six poems with the same meaning... sadness,"

"Ok... maybe it's how I release things," Renae mumbled and Ayanna laughed.

"For someone who said 'I don't give one fuck' these sad lines sure do prove otherwise,"

"Whatever,"

"Don't get mad at me, I'm trying to help you out," Ayanna told her and Renae sighed.

"I'm just tired that's all. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of these damn pills, I'm sick of the voices, I just want to be normal but I'm selling myself a dream thinking a child of a crack addict can be anything but normal. I was a crack baby for crying out loud so I don't understand how in the hell I figured I could even beat this stupid shit,"

"Crack baby?" Ayanna furrowed her brows and Renae stared at her forgetting that she left that part out.

"Never mind," Renae mumbled shaking her head.

"No... I'm not judging I just didn't know, your mom did that mess while pregnant with you?"

"Here and there... it's a long story," Renae sighed tossing her pen and Ayanna stared at her expectantly.

"You aren't a crack baby... I have seen my fair share of them and you don't meet the criteria,"

Renae laughed then shook her head.

"She didn't do it the entire pregnancy, just bit by bit... I'm bipolar, I have severe depression episodes... I have some form PTSD that I had no clue about and I also hear shit or think I'm seeing shit... schizophrenia is the 'appropriate' name for it but my therapist refuses to diagnose me with it,"

"And yet you don't look like you have any of those things Renae... so what's going on? Because that's some serious shit. I joke about calling myself crazy but you know in the eyes of the law that's exactly what they would call you, but you aren't are you?" Ayanna said and Renae shrugged.

"Talk to me Nae, like for real, push everything else to the side and just let me in. I don't judge and you know that firsthand, I just wanna help," she added taking Renae's notebook from her and placed it to the side.

"I rather not... know why?" Renae asked and Ayanna rose a brow.

"Because talking leads to feeling which means if I feel, you'll feel sorry for me and if you feel sorry for me I'll just feel even worse because I know I'm a brat and then I'll cry and I'm tired of doing that,"

"We're human, not robots Renae what type of shit are you on?" Ayanna laughed and Renae gave her a funny look.

"I didn't mean it like that," She quickly added.