𝕋𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 (Discontinued)

Chapter 47 - Disgusting

Sorry didn't proofread, i am aware they have a public cafe but this cafe is going to be for idols and trainees only.

Angst warning

Y/n walked in the building wiping his shoes and getting his hands sprayed with some alcohol before he thanked them and walked away. The other members had already raced to their dorms but Y/n was hungry so he slowed down to eat at the café. Y/n's shoes tapped against the tiles as he yawned softly. He reached the front of the personal café JYP had. It was a very aesthetic place, the tan walls, the beautiful lighting, the wooden chairs and tables, the white booths with brown cushions. The music that had gone throughout the café was always so soft. The place was very comfy and relieved a bit of the fatigue Y/n had felt before. Y/n wiped his feet before walking to the counter. He ordered a hot chocolate and a slice of cookies and cream cake. Y/n waited at a booth as far away from the doors as possible, passing by a 3 people on the way. Y/n paid no mind as his drowsiness was slowly retreating a bit from all the walking he did. Y/n finally laid down his bag and sat down comfortably, he laid his head on the cushion and sighed heavily as he put a hand on his face wiping it a bit.

"Had a rough day?" A voice called out which made Y/n jump a bit.

"Uh" Y/n turned to the owner of the voice who turned out to be the woman he lost his virginity to "Oh, hi Lia noona. What are you doing here?" Y/n asked as a waitress set down his hot chocolate and cake on the table.

"I've been waiting for you since 8:00." Lia said crossing her arms over her chest "It's 9:30." Lia said raising an eyebrow as Y/n cut a small piece of the cake with his fork.

"I'm sorry noona I forgot. I've been filming an M/V with the others since 6:00am." Y/n said as he laid his fork down and removed his face mask.

"Why didn't you text me?" Lia asked as she sat infront of Y/n.

"Our managers were ordering us around. If I pulled out my phone I'd be yelled at." Y/n said as he picked up his fork to eat the piece.

"Oh. Okay then, let's talk." Lia said as she leaned back on the soft cushions of the booth.

"Sure, what do you want to discuss?" Y/n asked as he drank a bit of the hot chocolate trying to prepare himself.

"Y/n, seriously? What happened that night we made love." Lia said as she put both of her hands on the table.

"Noona, yes we did. But keep your voice down." Y/n said as he motioned his hand to point downwards, "Now. Noona I'm gonna be honest. I like you. I really really do. Kyung-jae Hyung told me that love can be complicated, honestly I've never felt love. But I am attracted to you.." Y/n trailed as he cut another slice form his cake.

"I-i like you too Y/n..." Lia said blushing a bit, her heart softened at Y/n's words.

"But, since we're being honest... I like the others too noona. I like Ryujin, I like Chaeryeong, I like Yuna, I like Yeji, And I like you. I like you all the same, but different. I know it may be hard to understand but-" Y/n was cut off by Lia softly slamming her hand on the table.

"Are you kidding me?" Lia asked as her anger flared.

"Don't interrupt me." Y/n said with authority and a stern voice which made Lia swallow audibly. "Listen. I know I sound conceded, selfish, and like I'm trying to get with all of you. But the thing is I've never felt like this to any other women in my life, I've never learned anything about relationships or anything but I'll try." Y/n said as he dropped his fork and looked deeply in Lia's eyes.

"Shut up, you're just like other guys. You like having multiple girls at once. And to believe I have my virginity to you, disgusting." Lia said standing up with rage and walking away.

Y/n had his head down. His heart cracked at the pure shock and pain those words brought him. This was the reason he never let anyone inside, no one would know his demons. No one would bother to listen. To understand. To Love him back for the way he is. He thought he was used to pain, turns out he was only used to physical pain. Y/n ate his cake slowly. His face was blank but inside his heart was slowly cracking, those words echoes in his head. He was disgusting to her. How stupid was he it believe Lia would understand? How stupid was he to spend his love on Lia? A girl he just met a few months ago. The voices in Y/n's head were screaming at him, on how stupid and naive he was to think someone like Lia would understand, she knows how to love, how about himself? No education of that whatsoever. Y/n grabbed the cup of chocolate and walked out of the café with a straight face. His heart just got broken by a random idol he had a crush on, typical. Y/n's expectations crushed.

Y/n's POV

I'm so blind, she didn't understand because she's normal. She's smart. One of the things I liked about her. I loved how she comforted me. That's never gonna happen again. Here we go again. I should just avoid them. Yeah, maybe I should avoid them all. That would be good, I need to heal. I need to move on from them all, they wouldn't understand anyways. This stupid heart of mine just had to pick them. And this stupid mind of mine just had to say it. I hate myself so much. I reached the elevator and pressed the button before the elevator started to move.

You didn't deserve them anyways
Such an idiot! to think they'd feel the same.
You think they would like a loner? Ha!
Just go die already.
You think you'd have a chance! Hahaha!

Shut the fuck up, stupid voices. I don't give a shit. I'd rather die anyway. Sounds good. What the fuck? Why are my eyes wet? Oh god. Am I crying? Over somebody who I just knew? I'm so pathetic. A chuckle left my mouth as I twisted the doorknob of our dorm and walked in. I wiped my eyes and finished my chocolate and threw it in the bin. I sighed as I threw my bag on the couch. I cradled my face with my hands. Why? Why would this happen again? Was it only me? Why does my chest hurt like this? I'm pathetic. Sob after sob, my throat released pathetic soft sobs as my eyes streamed with tears, this is what I hate. Crying over something as pathetic as this. I hate myself.

To be continued...