𝕋𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 (Discontinued)

Chapter 73 - Questions

The bright of dawn only seemed to affect partial part of the city of Seoul. Y/n slept sideways leaning on the wall with his feet tucked up to his chest, he was visibly shaking and whimpering into his pillow.  A bad nightmare it seems, his blanket was in the wash, and he was only partially covered in a thin quilt. His fingers were dug in deep into the soft pillow he was clutching for dear life. His breathing was quick and shallow, his facial features were calm, but his body language says otherwise. He suddenly opened his eyes and tried to inhale slowly as to not wake Kyung-jae from his sleep, he swallowed his saliva as his throat was dry. He closed his eyes slowly trying to calm himself down. A soft cough was heard by Y/n which made him open his eyes, He met eyes with Kyung-jae, bags under his eyes clutching a mug and sipping on it.

"Hey Maknae, are you okay now?" He said with a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, sorry. Did I wake you up?" Y/n said as he sat up and laid the pillow next to his thighs as he wiped his forehead. 

"Yeah, about an hour ago, I made tea and Hot Chocolate, just like you like it. With marshmallows." Kyung-jae said as he lifted another mug in his hand. Y/n smiled wiping his tear stained cheeks.

"Thanks Hyung, you always know what to do." Y/n said with a sad smile on his face as he grabbed onto the mug with both hands.

"What do you mean by that?" Kyung-jae said leaning on the door frame sipping his tea. Feeling that Y/n meant something else by his words.

"It's just, I'm having some second thoughts about so many things right now. I'm sure you'll just get confused, It's stupid anyway." Y/n said as he started to take a sip of the Hot Chocolate in his hands.

"No, It's bothering you. Please tell me, don't keep bottling up your problems Y/n." Kyung-jae said with furrowed eyebrows, Y/n looked up to Kyung-jae with a deep Stoic face. 

"Okay eomma, ill tell you." Y/n said setting down the mug between his legs and taking a deep breath in, "I'm having second thoughts about this career, about being an idol, being a leader, being in a group like this. It's so much pressure and so much work, believe me when I say that I loved the process, but I think all of this is getting to my head. I've been rethinking everything from coming to Korea to becoming a leader." Y/n said with a frown looking down at his hands.

"I used to love coming back to our dorms and groaning with all of you, sympathizing with each one of you, now I guess I'm numb to it at this point. I loved the progress, making songs with each one of you being amazed with your voices. I used to love this, I don't know anymore. It doesn't feel like love anymore." Y/n said as he furrowed his eyebrows at his words, he had this all bottled up in him for almost two weeks now.

"Dumbass, of course. Everyone feels like that once in a while. You need to find why you were so passionate about this career in the first place, dig deep." Kyung-jae said walking closer to the double-decker bed as he took a gulp of his tea.

"Like I told you, Love comes in many ways. I think your relationship with this process is getting pretty old, you should spice things up once in a while. I took Karate classes when I was at that phase, it made me realize how much time I had on my hands and made me work harder. Now look where I am, I'm at JYP with a Black belt in Karate." Kyung-jae said as he tapped on Y/n's head that was craned. Y/n smiled at him.

"See when I say you always know what to say?" Y/n said with a weak smile as tears silently fell on his cheeks.

"Yah it's fine to cry, but you need to wipe your nose, it's going to drip in your Hot Chocolate." Kyung-jae said as Y/n smiled to him wider and wiped his nose.

"Hah, you're still that tall snot-nosed kid Y/n." Kyung-jae said tapping Y/n's thigh.

"Thanks again Hyung, for the Chocolate and the Talk. But not for the snot-nosed thing, I didn't appreciate that." Y/n said smiling. Kyung-jae set down his mug on his bedside table and looked up at Y/n.