The Donation ( Eminem Fanfic )

Funeral (pt.1)

We had went home after saying our "Goodbyes" to my son. I had forced Ronnie to come with us, she shouldn't be alone. She had already apologized countless times to me, because she thought it was her fault that my son was dead. I knew it wasn't and I would never blame her for it. My mother had told me once, that if God had written that your time is over, than no human could change it. My mother..... I had to call her and tell her that her grandson was no longer with us....

"Babe, where are you going?" Marshall, who sat beside me, still crying silently, asked me when I got up from the couch.
"I have to make a few phone calls. I'll be back." I kissed his forehead once and walked, my cellphone in hand out on the veranda. I had fallen back in some mode, where I was just a emotionless robot. I had done that every time, when my grandparents had died and now again. I knew I had to function, everyone would be grieving and crying, someone had to take care off everything. And I knew it would be me. It was always me.... I wouldn't cry and organize everything and the second they would let my son down in his grave, that was my moment to have my break down. A lot of people had always said, when they had seen me in the days before the funerals, that I was a heartless bitch. But I was far from that. That was my way to take care of my loved ones on their very last way.
I had called my mother and my siblings, who were all in pure shock and had told me, that they would get on the next flight to come over. After that I had called Kim. She was crying like crazy and said she would come over with the girls immediately. I had also called Liz, she was heartbroken and told me she would come by tomorrow, to help me with the organization.

Now I was sitting outside and stared in the dark garden and tried to wrap my head around the fact, that my son was gone forever. I was snapped out off my thoughts by loud yelling coming from the inside. I got up and rushed inside and saw Marshall, shielded by Alaina and Hailie. Whitney was sitting on the couch with Ronnie, crying. While Kim was standing in front off her daughters and yelled at my fiancée.
"This is your damn fault, you god damn asshole!" She yelled at him, while Hailie and Laney tried to calm her down.
"Mom, it's not Dad's fault. He wasn't there" Laney told her, but Kim wasn't calming down. Not one bit.
"If he wouldn't have left Tina, Josh wouldn't have been in that damn park with Ronnie. He would have been at home with his mother. And his mother wouldn't have been with him," she pointed at Marshall, "and tried to get his cursed ass back!" Marshall didn't say one word, only tears were running down his face. I stepped in and spoke up.
"If it's Marshall's fault, than it is mine too!" Everyone looked at me and Kim was the first to walk to me.
"Tina, I am so so sorry for your loss." She hugged me tightly and I returned her hug weakly. "It isn't your fault, sure it's not! But we both know that it's his." And again she pointed at Marshall.
"Kim I really love you, you are one of my best friends. But if you say one more time that it is Marshall's fault, we will get in trouble now." I told her calmly and the room went deadly silent.
"Tina, I just...." she started, but I cutted her off right away.
"It is not his fault Kim! I don't want to hear one more word like that! Our son is dead! And I won't let you blame the man, that Josh saw as his Dad!" I had raised my voice and stepped at Marshall's side, taking his hand in mine.
"I'm sorry, Tina. I didn't mean to make you angry." Kim apologized now. But I wasn't ready to let this go.
"I am not the one you should apologize to." I told her and she turned to Marshall.
"I'm sorry!" She sobbed and walked over, pulling him in a hug. "I shouldn't have blamed you!" He only nodded and released my hand to hug her back. By now the girls had came to me and hugged me, all crying their hearts out and then Marshall's cellphone started ringing. He gave me the phone and I answered it.

That's what I mean, when I say I have to function....

It was Paul, who was concerned because Marshall had been seen at a hospital and wanted to know if everything was alright. I told him what had happened and he only said he would come over immediately. And he did. Together with Royce and Denaun and 20 minutes later the rest of D12 arrived. Everyone was in pure shock and after they all had said their condolences, I walked into the kitchen, to get everyone something to drink.
"You should be sitting in there and everyone should take care off you, not vice versa." Alaina told me softly and rubbed over my back. "You were his mother, Tina!"

I know.... I was his mother!!!!!

"I know, but it's not my time to grief, Laney." I told her and turned around. "My time will come!" She only nodded, but I knew she didn't understand, she couldn't. I told her to go back in the living room and I walked behind her, carrying glasses and all kinds of drinks.
Everyone was talking quietly and most of them cryed or were just shocked. I couldn't stay in that room, I didn't want to break down or scream in frustration, so I grabbed one of Marshall's jackets from the wardrobe and went outside on the veranda.
I didn't know how long I had sat there, staring in the dark, when the door opened behind me and someone hugged me tightly. My sister....
My family had arrived already, and it took me a moment to realize, that they were flying back in time. So since my call, only 5 hours for me had gone by. After hugging my family, my mother had sent everyone in and pulled a chair in front off me.
"You can't shut everyone out, Tina" she told me softly and I only nodded.
"I'm not..."
"Yes you do." She argued back in a voice only a mother would use. Soft and full of love for her child. "I know my oldest daughter. You think you have to function and help everyone over the next days. But Tina, I am here now. I will be at your side, you don't have to go through that alone." I nodded again and she took my hand in hers. "Go inside, take your Marshall and go to bed. He's crying his eyes out and you both need each other now." I took a deep breath and got up.
"You all stay here, right?" I asked her and she nodded. "Then I'll get you the guest rooms ready." I wanted to walk inside, but my sister and Alaina blocked my way.
"We will take care off that," Ramona told me and Laney chimed in.
"I'll show them were everything is, Tina!" I nodded again and walked in my living room, where the others were all sitting and walked over to Marshall.
"Can we go to bed, please?" I asked him and he stood up immediately and grabbed my hand. I turned around to explain myself, but my mother had walked in and took over.
"I told Tina, they should go to sleep. They were Josh's parents. They both need their strength now. I hope y'all understand that." Everyone nodded and wished us a "good night" and told us they would come over tomorrow again.

Marshall and I had walked into our bedroom and locked the door, pulled off our clothes and were now clinging to each other in bed.
"I love you Tina!" Marshall whispered and kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes, trying hard not to cry. I knew I couldn't stop if I would start once. "We will have a child again, I promise you that!"