All I Wanted

chapter 10

ALL I WANTED
Haizly

"Haizly!" I hear an all too familiar voice exclaim. I hear heels coming over to me as I go to the top from the stairs. Hannah gives me a bear hug and basically squeezes the air out.

"Hannah, I can't breathe." She lets go and apologizes.

"What are you doing here?" I ask once I've gained my breathing back. It's a good thing she's here, I don't want to feel alone. But I know I'll be busy with some things other than smacking Matilde.

"Eric has some business here with Caleb. Since he works for him." I nod. We start walking to the living room where Caleb and Eric are. When I walk in I see Caleb holding Katherine. Caleb looks so happy holding her. And it makes me realize that I will never be able to give him a family like he imagines to have. I do think about having kids with him once we're . . . settled. I just don't know what to do with kids. I haven't been with one in such a long time. It scares me to think about even having a child. I can't even entertain one without making it cry or yell.

I walk over to Caleb and he shows me the cute baby in his arms. She's nibbling on her fingers and is humming. Caleb looks down at me with a smile, and it breaks my heart.

"We're thinking on throwing her a birthday party after all this shit goes down." Hannah says as she leans onto Eric.

"She's going to be a spoiled one." Eric says with a sigh.

"Your oldest daughter is spoiled, too." Caleb tells Eric. Eric and Hannah look at each other with a knowing look, and Caleb and I sense something.

"What is it?" Caleb asks in a stern voice. Hannah and Eric look at Caleb.

"Eric hasn't seen his other kids in a while." My eyes widen and my blood boils. Is he serious about this? It angers me that he's making a new family when he has another. He has kids with another woman, and I'm sure those kids feel abandoned.

How can a man do that? Why would he want to leave his kids and create another with a different woman? They are no men if they leave their families. They are stupid and idiotic.

"Here." Caleb says, taking me by surprise when he hands me Katherine. I look at her and my heart starts racing. I've never held her before. I've never even held a baby in the longest. She's heavy and she's just staring at me. Her big brown eyes are questioning me, wondering why I'm holding her, or why I haven't even pulled her to my chest yet. She's just hanging in the air and I feel like I could easily drop her.

"Here give her to me." Hannah says softly. She grabs the baby and I feel my hands shaking. It was a short time that I had her in my arms, but it felt longer. And bad, like if I could drop her if I wasn't careful with her. She's just a small fragile little thing, who doesn't know what's going on around her.

"I- I'm going to my room." Hannah gives me a little frown before nodding. I walk up the stairs and I bump into Valentino. I remember the conversation Matilde and I had earlier today and since Valentino is right in front of me, this is a good chance.

"Valentino, can I speak to you?" I ask him. He looks at me, inspecting my face, before nodding. I nod and sigh, leading him to an empty room.

"I was asking Matilde why she would be blaming us when you bombed their territory. She said it was because you said we told you to." He frowns. "We never told you to, Valentino."

"Haizly, I know you guys never told me to. I did it because Alessandro owed me! He owed me a lot of money. I had to get revenge. But I didn't know he'd be so hurt about that." I never know when he's telling the truth or when he's lying. He's so much more different than Caleb. I can tell when Caleb is lying or telling the truth.

"Why would she say that then?" There are many possibilities of why she would. And I had one when I was down there with her.

"She and Rafael have a plan, I sense it." I shouldn't let fear get in the way. I've never had. But this gave me the chills. Matilde and Rafael are up to something that we don't know. But I'll make sure I'll find out.

"Why are you so shaky? We can cover this up, don't worry." He tells me with a sympathetic look. I don't know if I should tell him. This is something I sure don't want to discuss with Caleb's dead-beat father. I should be talking to Caleb about this. 

"Um . . . it's nothing." I shake my head to excuse the subject, but he doesn't budge.

"Haizly, something isn't right." I look at him. I hate crying in front of people. It was one of my pet peeves. But I start letting the tears fall. It's just the thought about Caleb wanting kids, me not giving him what he wants, all because I'm scared.

"I'm scared, Val!" I sniffle. "Caleb wants kids, and I can't give him any!" I cry more.

"What do you mean? Can you not have kids because of your uterus?" I sniffle and shake my head. I've never gotten tested for that before, but I have a feeling I can have kids.

"It isn't because of that. It's because I'm scared Caleb will leave me like my father did to me." All of a sudden I feel arms wrap around me. Not the warm and comforting arms I want around me, but the one's who feels bad for me at the moment.

"Haizly, I can assure you that my son won't ever do that. He's been wanting kids for so long. He looks at you with adoration and love in his eyes everytime he looks at you. Caleb will never leave you." Why he is being so comforting? And why does it feel good? It feels weird having his arms around me because we're always bickering back and forth.

"I may have left my son when he was younger, but I know for a fact that he will never be the same as me. And I know you know that deep down he isn't like me." Oh hell yeah I do. "Caleb deserves happiness in his life. And you're the happiness that's happening to him. He's happy and he loves you. And even though you're scared about having kids, he'll always be there for you whenever." I sniffle.

He's right. Caleb is my happiness. I'm his happiness.

"I mean, without each other you guys wouldn't have saved each other." I look up at him.

Why is he being like this? And how do I react to it? He's never been this way before and it's . . . strange. Honestly. But I must say, for being a bad guy, he has good answers for me.