All I Wanted

chapter 23

Haizly
ALL I WANTED

I stay still as I hear my mom's footsteps come closer to the kitchen. Cara and I stare at each other, except she has a small reassuring smile while I have a nervous look on my face. I wait for my mom to come into the kitchen and when she does, I turn to face her. She sets the bags on the floor before she looks at me.

"Haizly?" She asks with a confused look. I stare at her in shock, not knowing what to do. I mean what is there to do? I can't just run up to her and give her a hug or kiss her cheek because she'd probably push me off and wonder why I'm so touchy. It was strange crying in front of Cara and hugging her, but I do miss them. A lot.

"Mom, she came to visit." Cara says then stands up. She walks over to mom and whispers in her ear and my mom looks at me with a nod. Cara gave me a small smile then walked out of the kitchen to get the groceries.

"You can't just come back and expect everything to be good, Haizly. Especially after what happened." Why did I know she was going to act this way?

"I know and I'm sorry. I was just in a bad place. I know that that is not a great excuse but trust me, it was a really bad place." I think back to the break up Caleb and I had. She turns to look at me with a raised brow.

"Did they have you in their basement, too?" She asks. I furrow my brows. What is she talking about? I think back to what I've been doing this past week and then at the beginning when I went to Brazil. Rafael did kidnap me and put me in some room. It was dark and only had one small window at the very top, but no human could ever fit in there.

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Does she know that Rafael kidnapped me? Does she know Caleb is in the mafia?

"They kidnapped all of us! Your father! He said something about you killing his baby." She sobs. I thought he just came to talk to them. But he kidnapped them and put them away? Who the hell rescued them?

"I didn't mean to kill his baby!" I feel the tears coming in. She looks up at me in shock and full of hatred.

"You killed his son?" She asks with venom in her tone. Her face is red and she's shaking.

"I didn't mean to. It was just some prank." I sob. Then the real question came up. "Who rescued you guys?"

"Caleb. He works for the mafia and we didn't know!" Cara comes back in and sets the bags down. She goes to mom then looks at me.

"What happened?" She asks as she tried soothing mom.

"Cara, your sister's boyfriend works for the mafia." My mom tells Cara and Cara's face goes blank. I can't tell what she's feeling right now. Shocked? Scared? Angry? All perhaps.

"When did that happen?" Cara asked me. I wipe at my eyes, not wanting to answer anything about Caleb. "Haizly." Cara's voice is stern.

"He was sixteen at the time! He was going through some things and some guy just made him deal then from there he went to the mafia!" I explain. My mom looks like she's in pain. But it doesn't surprise me that she is, I'm always the damn cause for it. Even when I don't try she's always crying. It's maddening that I'm the only one who causes her pain. Why couldn't I have been more Like Cara or Josh? Either way, I always knew my mom liked them better than me. 

"Why didn't you tell us anything?" My mom asks in a hushed tone. "I was kidnapped by your father because of you! You killed his son!" I have had enough of this. I didn't mean to kill his son. Kayden and I just pulled a prank. A prank for getting back at my father because of how much a fucked up guy he is.

"Look, I'm sorry this happened to you . . . I never meant to hurt you guys."

"Then just go! It was better without you!" My mom yelled at me. I took in a breath then nodded. I made my way out of the kitchen which was by where they were standing and into the living room.

There's a carseat on the floor and when I study it more, there's a baby inside. Is that my mom's baby? And is that a girl? No wonder she doesn't want me around. She replaced me with that thing. She's not even cute.

I walked out of the house and made my way to my car. When I got in I couldn't help but hit the steering wheel because of how much anger I have.

Why do I always mess everything up? I do things without thinking. Why didn't Caleb tell me my family was kidnapped? Is he just going to keep secrets from me? I wonder what he did after I left. Did he untie Matilde and take her to the room to fuck her again? Is he going to shove it in my face that he loves her more than he ever loved me?

This is all just so selfish. Why is everything bad suddenly happening to me?

I drive to the nearest pub. I walk in and go straight to the bar.

"Shots. Loads of shots and don't stop." The guys looks at me questioningly. Did he not hear me?

"Can I see an ID?" He asks and I sigh. My birthday is in February and it's only December. That means I'm still twenty and he won't give me any alcohol. How did I do this back in high school?

"See, it's my birthday tomorrow so that means I'm turning twenty-one." He looks at me like he doesn't believe me. I take out my wallet from my purse and get out my ID.

"How about I don't show you it. You can just give me alcohol and I'll give you something in return." I say with a hopeful smile.

"I'm married." My eyes widen.

"Oh congrats, but that's not what I meant." His cheeks flush in embarrassment. "Either way, married men have to respect their wives. Or else what was the point in marriage? Literally, if you want to get married then marry the one you really love. If you don't love them anymore and cheat on them, then what was the fucking point?" I say a little harshly and fast.

"You know what, I'll get you those shots." I smile up at him. I put away my stuff and wait for the shots.

"Was it your husband?" He asks when he sets down four shot glasses in front of me.

"Fiance. He cheated on me with some slut in Brazil."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He furrows his eyebrows and he stares at me with sympathy. I never liked anyone showing me sympathy because it made me feel weird. I've never had someone feel bad for me before, and still, I don't like it.

"Don't be, your not the one who cheated." A guy sat down next to me and asked for a beer. I look at the guy and find him a little familiar. Where have I seen him before?

"Cheated? You got cheated on?" The guy asks beside me asks. I feel so embarrassed. "Don't worry, I've gotten cheated on countless of times." He tells me as he gulps his beer down.

"Oh," I don't know what to say. I can't say sorry because I'm not the one who cheated on him. And I can't say sorry because I just don't feel like it. But to say the truth I do feel sorry for him. Maybe I won't show it or say it, but I do.

"Why would someone want to cheat on you?" He asks with a smile. I look at the bartender and he shrugs.

"Stupid people." I reply.

"How long has it been?" The bartender asks. Why am I telling them my story? And why does it feel good to rant? Not even my first therapist made me feel like this. I never even spoke, it was all my mom. And yet I left her office angry. Sometimes therapists don't work, they just say what you want to hear but really you want much more than just words. Like for me, I don't want someone saying they're sorry I got cheated on. I want to hear something of the lines of, "he's going to be sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past, forget the pain and remember what an incredible woman you are."

It sounds cheesy, I know. Maybe I wasn't an incredible woman to Caleb. And it's always so fucking hard to forget the past. Especially if you've spent your entire time with that person that you love. Like people say pain is inevitable.

"He cheated on me two years ago and told me just last night." They both shake their heads.

We carry on talking and then the bartender got yelled at for not doing his job. He then got back to work and came back to us every few minutes. The guy who was sitting beside me is named Chris and turns out he used to be my parents old neighbor. We all thought he was hot and even my mom flashed him looks. I thought he was cute but also, at the time I was the biggest bitch so I never said hi to him.