Glass Shadows (P)

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Title: Glass Shadows

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Title: Glass Shadows

Author: OnyxWriting

Genre: Fantasy

Chapters Read: 1 - 3

Title & Cover

Fantasy titles often have the fun job of being ambiguous, to give them a sort of mysterious vibe, and yours does just that! Not sure quite how it fits with the story yet, but... I'd guess it has to do with Evelyn being trapped in shadows, or darkness, but that darkness being breakable? Something like that xD Anyway, I like it.

Your cover is a little too dark to fully make out? I really like the broken glass effects and the silvery details, and the broken crowns are pretty cool, but the thing in the middle, beneath the title... I'm just not sure what it is xD It could be a lump of coal? Though I do like the overall effect of the cover and feel like it fits with the shadowy theme, and therefore fits with the title. Certainly intriguing!

Summary

When I first wrote this section (what, like, three months ago? Four? It's not good xD), you didn't really have a summary. It was just an excerpt and a list of words. Annoyingly, you've made a much better blurb, which means I have to rewrite this section. How dare you.

Joking, I promise xD I'm really happy that you've improved your summary. It really feels like it does the story justice now, unlike before. It gives off a nice fantasy vibe and gets across Evelyn's character, as well as summarising the plot quite nicely. It's a pretty good blurb.

I especially like the first line. I think you need a comma after Varsillia (shush, Pup, grammar comes later) but otherwise it's a cool hook. Combined with the second paragraph, and it's even cooler. You've got mystery nailed, and it has the right level of quirkiness to attract potential readers. Then we have our third paragraph, which has the tone just right and gets in our main plot point. So yes, the first half of the blurb is a big tick from this wolf.

The second half is slightly less strong, but I'm still a fan. And because I like it, I'm going to nitpick so I like it more xD

Firstly, this line:

... but for some reason, Evelyn believes the weight of everything rests on her shoulders.

It feels like a break in the tone for me, because knowing how bitter she is about it all, I'm not quite sure she does believe that -- at least not in the way it comes across. It might be better as:

... but Evelyn knows that the weight of everything will have to fall on her shoulders.

Maybe? I know it's only a slight change but it just flows better that way, to me.

The following paragraph is quite confusing to read, maybe because of the lack of punctuation to break up the sentence. Perhaps, to make it easier to read, you could rewrite it as:

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