The Boy Next Door (T)

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The Boy Next Door written by AkshitaaN

The Boy Next Door written by AkshitaaN

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i. COVER & TITLE

I have a few problems with your initial impression. For one, your cover is a tad cluttered, and the font isn't that easy to read. For some reason, I initially thought this was a Star Wards fanfic from the cover. Why? I don't know. It had that vibe. Anyway, I think you should get a new cover that's a bit cleaner. Points to my reading list full of designers. Moving on.

Your title lacks originality, and that's because Wattpad is heavily based on 'boy next door' stories, and they usually aren't very good. By lumping your book in with those, you make your readers think you're one of them. In fact, your title seems like more of a chicklet or romance story that the werewolf story that it becomes. I'd recommend changing your title. Think of important objects, symbolizing phrases, things like that.


ii. BLURB

Main blurb problem? The length. The writing is good, it's intriguing, but it's too long to maintain a reader's attention. It's scary to readers right off the bat. We all have the urge to make our blurbs long, but try to avoid it. Your blurb is less like a summary and more like a chapter. Usually, blurbs are best written in the third person present tense. It's just what proves to be the most successful, but I think we can work with your current tense and POV.

Some tips to shorten your blurb:

Start with a one-liner. This is easier than it looks, and you actually have some good ones already in your blurb.

You have to part with some things you love. You have to. If you want, include a longer blurb in the starting chapters if you just can't fathom getting rid of them entirely.

Make use of longer sentences, lists, and semicolons. Each new sentence requires a subject and filler words. If you take two sentences and make them one, you're immediately shortening them.

Just rewrite it. Over and over. The blurb just needs to be reworked. It's the way it goes.

End with something that connects to the title. This is always a good idea. It gives the reader the feeling of finality. It's the perfect way to establish how good you are at making a story. Also, don't end with a question. Just don't do it. Don't. Questions aren't as final as it seems. They leave things open-ended, and believe it or not, that's not effective with blurbs. We want a story from your blurb, which means we want an ending.

With all that in mind, here's how I've rewritten your blurb:

I don't trust men.

It's nothing personal, really, it's just the fact that they've never given me any reason to--my abusive father and ex-boyfriend both took trust out of the equation. They're part of the reason I ran away from home after my mother's death. I put my whole life on a gamble by doing so, and I don't plan on losing it.

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