Dreamland Review Archive

Vicious Romance (T)

Vicious Romance written by divvyrora

i. COVER & TITLE

Your cover is excellent, eye-catching and seems to represent the story. I have no qualms with the cover. Your title also matches the story and is decently unique. Again, I have no problems with the title.

ii. BLURB

The blurb, however, could use a lot of work. For one, it's too long, and it contains too much info. It also starts with dialogue, which I don't recommend doing because it takes up valuable space that needs to be used to entice readers. You could take out the whole first part of your blurb, and the second part needs some refining as well. Below I've rewritten it, and I'll explain why I did what I did after.

I should be detached and emotionless. That's what the FBI should be. And yet here I am, getting swept off my feet by some gorgeous-yet-possible-Mafia-Lord in a Whole Foods.

Hally is ambitious and willing to go to great lengths to uncover the disappearance of her best friend, all while climbing the corporate ladder to prove that she belongs. But having to look after suspected criminal Noah throws her plans out of wack, making her feel as though she might be losing herself.

But what happens when falling for him could be the only thing that could save herself and the people she cares about?

List of things I did:
- Increased the drama of the first sentence. It draws people in, and it uses the unique set-up of that situation to prove shock value.
- Tightened up the middle by getting rid of info that was extra.
- Shortened overall and took out the dialogue in the beginning.

To conclude, this blurb should provide more organization to your readers. If you really want dialogue in your blurb, you should put it after to summary. Keep it simple and concise.

iii. HOOK:

Continuing on with initial impression, your first sentence in chapter one could also use some work. It was a little confusing and hard to read. Rewritten below,

'You're a failure.

That's right—a disgrace, someone who is unwanted.'

I firmly believe if you want that drama and shock value, you should make that first line standalone, and then fix up the second with the dash.

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