Dreamland Review Archive

Buried In My Reflection (T)

Buried In My Reflection

blackishfever

Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

Your cover is good, but I don't feel overly drawn to it or too excited over the way it looks. I think there is room for improvement. I like that the cover represents the story, but I think adding more colour and making the title bigger could enhance the cover a bit more. I have a cover shop in my reading list that is exceptional, perhaps you should check it out.

Your title is so unique! I absolutely love it. I'm not sure how it relates to the story, but I haven't read the whole thing, so I'll leave that up to you. The only thing- 'in' in your title doesn't need a capital. It should just be: Buried in My Reflection. Other than that, I love your title!

Your blurb starts out a little generic. There are lots of Wattpad books that play off of the same 'nerdy good guy' and 'rich badboy' thing- and not that that's bad, but you should try to find a way to make your book stick out. The first sentence of your blurb is incredibly essential. Is there a line from your book you can put in there to make it a little more captivating? I've recommended one below.

Second, you have some grammatical mistakes. For starters, you have a whole bunch of capitals on that first sentence that shouldn't be there. Next, your first paragraph was a little hard to read, and the rest of your blurb was rather uninteresting. There's potential for you to make it a lot better. Let's pick out the things you want in your blurb. You want to put Elizabeth and the three guys in it, but you have so much description over their lives that I feel a little overwhelmed by the amount of information in your blurb. You also mention an 'Eli' that is previously unheard of. I'd recommend keeping your descriptions to one, simple line. That'll keep people interested.

Four lives are about to collide.

Elizabeth is a rather average teenager with high expectations and dreams of success. So at nineteen in her closing year of college, she finally decides to enjoy her last teen year in a dramatic change of heart.

Nathan is a business-minded bookworm.

Martin is the expensive taste that everyone wants.

Luke is an athlete with a knack for humour.

Which one gets the girl of their dreams?

So here I've dramatically shortened your blurb, but still kept (what I think) is the essential information. You can, of course, change whatever you'd like or use my suggestion. I just think this is a bit snappier and is free of grammatical errors.

9/15

Logistics: (grammar, spelling & dialogue)

You have some issues with grammar. Overall, you understand how to use commas and periods and sentence structure. But you often have sentences that strike me as awkward. Just read your story aloud, and if you have issues getting it out smoothly the first time, the grammar is not clear enough.

As for spelling, I don't notice any mistakes other than simple (what I'm assuming are) typos. Just make sure to go over your chapters and edit a couple of times before posting. Remember that when you have your character thinking to themselves, it should be in italics, like this I've pulled from your chapter one:

'Yes, that's unmanly, he commented in his mind.'

Here's the correction:

'Yes, that's unmanly, he commented in his mind.'