Dreamland Review Archive

24 Hours (T)

24 Hours

MusicalKehleigh

Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

I am definitely a fan of this cover. It's very simple and representative. It gives us good insight into what the book is about. However, it doesn't exactly 'pop' out to me. Perhaps bolding the '24 Hours' a little more or making it the same colour as that navy blue-ish in the compass may help? Or maybe just play around with it a little and see what happens.

Your title is excellent. It's short, snappy and right to the point. No complaints here! Surprisingly, when I typed the title into the search bar, it was a lot rarer than I thought it would be, so well done!

I was very impressed with your blurb. It's short and concise. I really do love it. It tells us exactly what the story will be about without giving us too much information but doesn't info-dump on us and leave us confused. However, since I'm being super picky, I'd recommend making it a little more dramatic- just to increase the number of people that click on it. There are a couple of ways to do this. For one, I never recommend using a name as the first thing readers see because although your character name may be important and cool to you, it doesn't mean anything to readers yet and all it does is make for a little bit of a rough start. By all means, include the name, but I just wouldn't do it first. Here's an alternate version, where I've also tried to increase your drama a little:

He's never been one to break rules, much less get in trouble with the law.

But after receiving a mysterious message at the airport, Claude Wintsor finds himself in an unimaginable situation. He is forced to complete six high-crime jobs in exchange for his freedom.

The catch? He only has twenty-four hours. And failure to do so could cost his life.

Do you see how the name is introduced in a little more of a natural way? And I've split up the paragraphs to capture attention. Of course, this is all suggestion, since I prefer a dramatic approach to writing and I think it would help improve the number of people that are drawn to your book. That being said, your blurb is definitely one of the better ones on Wattpad already.

13/15

Logistics: (grammar, spelling & dialogue)

I was very impressed with your grammar. I found very few issues with the logistics of your story. You definitely know how to write properly. I found myself thoroughly immersed in your easy-to-read story. I have one critique on commas. I know. Commas suck. They're confusing. There are like four billion rules on them. I really don't understand the exact situation in which you can and cannot use a comma. However, I know you don't need them here: (from your chapter one)

'It was, quite literally, a breath of fresh air when I was finally able to step into the airport.'

So you don't need either of those commas in there. But creatively, I understand what you were trying to do in breaking up that sentence. In order to keep your initial idea, here's what I'd do:

'It was- quite literally- a breath of fresh air when I was finally able to step into the airport.'

Again. I don't know commas super well either. But I've written enough in my life to just know when a comma shouldn't be there. There are some independent and dependant clause rules that I could reiterate to you, but I'm just not confident enough in them, so I'll just advise you to do the research.