Dreamland Review Archive

The Competitors (D)

Book: The Competitors

Author:  Apple_Brooklyn

Review By:  divvyrora

Book Review

At a Glance:

Cover: I have mixed feelings about the cover. I'm drawn to it a bit, but at the same time there's so much going on, and to be honest, I don't think that really works for a cover. At least how it's currently set up. You have four different pictures, and to me, they don't really come together in the current setup. But no worries! If you're looking at how to improve your cover or change your cover, there's a great cover shop I know (in fact, I recently tagged you in it). But you can also find it in a Reading List on my profile :)

Blurb: Not going to lie, your blurb is hilarious. It appropriately introduces your story, letting the readers know that this, in fact, will be a comical story to enjoy. However, I do notice that you often make small mistakes in singular and plural nouns, mispairing them, but that's okay because that's an easy fix. Other than that, while your blurb surely attracts some readers, I'm not sure if it entirely engages readers, making them want to dive into the book right away. It's not really giving that hook, line, and sinker effect. So below I made a few edits to your current blurb, to make it a little more intriguing. I have your original blurb, and below each paragraph, I have bolded the edits I would recommend making:

Original: In the world of St. Francis University for Applied and Medical Sciences, two A+ grade students exist and only one can be the topper.

Edit: In St. Francis University of Applied and Medical Sciences, two straight-A students exist, but only one can be on the top.

Original: The tinge of sourness at the first sight soon turn into hate and coexistence becomes a chore for the two of them. With murder unfortunately being illegal, they resort to snark in the hallways, heated discussions in the classroom, evil eyes as soon as they are in each other's vicinity and a lots and lots of middle fingers.

Edit: From first sight, they hated each other. Coexistence became a chore for both. With murder not being an option, they resort to snarky comments in the hallway, heated discussions in the classroom, with tons of middle fingers being involved.

Original: As non spontaneous as fire and gasoline, as miscible as water and oil- the two competitors will do whatever it takes to achieve the coveted crown of batch's gold medalist.

Edit: Afterall, the two will do whatever it takes to achieve the coveted crown of the grade's gold medalist.

Original: But as the fate, mutual friends and their Professors repeatedly lead them into situations where they have no one but each other to rely on- will they finally be able to abandon the thoughts of homicide?

Edit: But when fate constantly forces them together, having no choice but to rely on each other- will they finally be able to push their differences aside to work together?

I just made some minor changes in your blurb, improving word choice, and hopefully improving the flow at which the blurb is read. You are free to use this new blurb in your text if you'd like, or change up your current one!

Tags: Honestly, this isn't a section to worry too much about, but I'm including this because tags can be quite important- especially on Wattpad when you're trying to gain reads. It entirely depends on the purpose of your book, and whether you want it discovered by others. Right away I can see that you have 25 tags on your story. That's perfect because Wattpad has a max of 25 tags/story! And in terms of your quality of tags, they look great! The only one I would recommend replacing is 'asianlit' because that tag only has 89 stories using that tag. So getting your story found using that tag would be difficult because it's not attracting that many readers. While tags with a few hundred other stories are great and can help you get discovered in a smaller group of readers, there should only be a few in your story. You should focus on incorporating larger tags (as you have done), and tags with a few thousand books (which you have also done).

Chapter 1 Assessment:

I choose to focus on the first chapter in a book and give a thorough review on how readers get a hold of your writing style. It's significant if you want readers to continue reading your reading. In your case, I'm assessing the Prologue for the assessment.

Engagement: Not going to lie, this scene is so short but I really like it. This is one of those traditional, awkward book-grabbing scenes from the shelves, and I don't know why but they always hit so hard! This is not a traditional prologue, but I think I'm okay with that. Right away, we're introduced to this rivalry between two characters, and they're arguing despite the fact that one just helped the other out. Instinctive things, I get it. But it's still so refreshing to see as a reader. It was not boring at all.

Grammar/Spelling: There were some minor issues here. I think that it mostly has to do with the flow of text. In a few places in this chapter, you used the phrase "You will". And there's nothing really wrong with the phrase, it's just where you included this phrase in the text... it sounds a bit choppy, and I feel that the sentence below can be read smoother. Let me show you.

Original: "An inch shorter and you will fade out of existence"

Edit: "An inch shorter and you'll fade out of existence"

The only change I really made was to change you will to you'll. I just changed it to a contraction, and I feel as if it works better in this context because it makes the text run smoother and less awkward.

Word Choice: Your word choice seems pretty solid in this chapter. Yes, I think you can reword some phrases, but I commented on those in your text, so you may have seen them already. Great job!

Entire Text's Story Flow:

Throughout the story, I feel as if your writing style improves as if you're learning as you write- and I think that's absolutely amazing. Just remember to go back to the previous chapters and make necessary changes to enhance your writing. Overall, the run of events go pretty smoothly.

Overall Plot:

Not going to lie, a plot like this is seen a lot on Wattpad and in the writing world- but I like it. I love the whole enemies to (maybe) lovers trope. Others might not though, so altering some plot points a little to make your story pop out a little more might help, but I really like your story the way it is.

Entire Text's Sentence Structures (description, grammar, spelling):

As I mentioned before, your writing got better as your chapters progressed, along with your writing structures. Keep that up, you seem to be improving on your own. Again, just make sure to look back in your previous chapters, and make the necessary adjustments to description, grammar, and spelling. Make the writing stronger.

Closing Thoughts:

I really enjoyed reading your text, and I can't wait to see what happens next. This story definitely has potential, so keep up the great work!

Overall Rating: B