Dreamland Review Archive

What The Eyes Can See (T)

What The Eyes Can See

heyennbee

Currently writing this in the middle of the night. I am focused, I promise. I'm just a little tired. Weird comments and spelling errors can be attributed to that.

Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

Cool cover; I like cover. The only thing is the font of the title is...I don't know...it looks like one used on those super generic cover apps. I like it, it just lets me know that you made your cover on what of those apps and isn't very professional. I love the picture though. I would recommend sending the picture to a cover designer and asking them to do the font and author's name. I have a few cover shops in my reading lists that are wonderful.

I like the title. I don't know what it means yet, because as I am writing this I have not read your book. But I will come back to this if I figure out what it means. Keep in mind that I believe cool-sounding titles are exceptionally important. Titles can literally make or break a book. BUT they should reflect the story. Does yours? I don't know yet. Side note: the 'the' in your title does not need to be capitalized.

Ok so I'm back after reading your blurb and I get the title. I got this 'oohhh' look on my face immediately. That's very good. Very well done.

I spent a LONG minute trying to understand the first line of your blurb. Once I did, I loved it. But it needs some work based on grammar. Let me know if this makes more sense:

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. That's true- but when they're also the window to events visible only to you- you refrain from peeking at them.

Next, I like how you start with something snappy and chop up the paragraphs. Good format. Then I read the rest of the blurb and I couldn't...find anything to critique. It's unique. It's fun. It's informative. Why did you request a review if you are perfect? I'm kidding I have plenty to say. Just not on your blurb. Good blurb.

Also, because I feel like the hook is very important in initial impression, I'd like to offer you praise for how incredible your hook is. Phenomenal.

12/15

Logistics: (grammar, spelling & dialogue)

No issues with grammar.

-You are the first person I have seen on Wattpad that understands the semicolon. Nice.

-You are the first person I have met on Wattpad that doesn't use the oxford comma. We're friends now.

I have found one spelling mistake. After literally trying SO hard to find them. Chapter two, you should have a period and you have comma. Someone already pointed it out in the comments, though. Proud of myself for finding that one.

I have found one mistake with dialogue, from chapter three:

'"I d-d-didn't know it was y-you," I let out a scream banging my head on my knees.'

That's an action tag at the end there, so no comma. Also, there should be a comma in that tag, no? Correction:

'"I d-d-didn't know it was y-you." I let out a scream, banging my head on my knees.'

However, no persistent mistakes.

14/15 - ?? the perfection here is confusing to me. Don't you ever make a misstype? I fear you are not a person but rather a robot. Congratulations on the highest logistics mark I have ever given.