Dreamland Review Archive

GUARDIANS (T)

GUARDIANS

opfrogger

Thank you for your patience with this review! I know it must be upsetting to be at the front of the queue and have me stop reviewing for awhile. But my exams are done and so I now have my full attention on this review!

Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

Your cover needs improvement. I like the font and the picture, but together they don't really stick out at me. I'd recommend sending the picture to a cover artist and having them do something for you. It's a little dark, too.

Your title makes sense, and although it's common-ish, I don't have a huge problem with it. But I would recommend brainstorming if there's anything more unique that would work better. Here are some ideas I have: Heroic Spirits – personal favourite. I found this one in your blurb and it seems to mean the same thing as 'Guardians' but its more...cool. You know? I also wonder if you could use the name of the world, Atlandium. Keep in mind I don't know your story like you do, so it's possible that you understand the meaning behind the title and I don't. But from and initial impression perspective, I think an alternative title would be a good idea. After reading your blurb and book, I like the title much better. So you just have to decide how important that initial impression is.

I don't like the explanations of the kingdoms you have in your blurb. But like, I also do. I just don't like how many names we have thrown at us. Is there a way to make it better? I have some ideas. I like every part of your blurb other than that, but I have cleaned it up in my suggestions. I also would get rid of your first sentence. It's too straightforward and boring. I say scrap it.

If you want to keep the kingdoms in there but make it less wordy, suggestion one:

Six kingdoms.

The birthplace of man. The sturdy union. The spirit sanctuary. The war-driven wind. The All-Knowing Empire. They Who Endure.

Through countless wars, treaties and death, the nations have settled in peace living under an unspoken state of passivity. But an ancient evil has awoken with vengeance running through its veins and seeks nothing more than the death of man.

The 6 Heroic Spirits of each nation have also awoken in response to this evil presence, and they seek out those who have the courage, strength and determination to handle their power. Those chosen are known as Guardians and are tasked with stopping this ruination.

The fate of Atlantium rests in their hands.

So that sticks to your original idea. But I think you need to shorten it even more. Be clearer. We don't know your world like you do, so introduce us a little easier. Something that's going to keep up interested. Here's what I would write:

An ancient evil has awoken.

Vengeance runs through its veins and it seeks nothing more than the destruction the six kingdoms, once united through an unspoken state of passivity.

But the kingdoms are not helpless. The six heroic spirits of each nation seek out those who have the courage, strength and determination to handle their power.

They are known as Guardians.

So this blurb is much smaller, and I took out a lot of information you had in your blurb (I also took out the oxford comma because I hate it). Basically, this is the info I think is essential. I also think this blurb has more of a final-ish approach because it ends with the title. It makes readers feel that connection immediately. This is definitely the blurb I'd recommend. You're welcome to use this exact blurb or change what you want. Or keep it how you have it. The blurb is not terrible the way it is. I just see potential for it to be better.