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I'm back! I apologize for the completely sloth-like pace in my reviews these days, and I know it's frustrating. (in my defense, i literally had surgery, then had my face swell up to the size of a bowling ball from complications, then randomly broke my foot?) Anyway. Let's get to your story!
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i. COVER & TITLE
This is not my ideal cover, but I really only have one solid reason for my dislike of it, and that's the font. To me, this font screams 'made by an amateur on canva'—even if that's not who it was made by and where it was made. I do like the picture, but it makes for an extremely bland cover. There's not much here to work with in terms of piquing interest. I'd suggest working with one of the designers in my graphics list to see what you can do with your cover.
As for your title, I'm slightly happier. Unfortunately not much happier, though, because your title is again quite simple and more common than you'd think. I do think it's perfectly fine and probably doesn't need to be changed, but there is potential for it to be thought about a bit more, in my opinion! (I do later recognize the significance of this title, so that's cool!)
ii. BLURB
Right off the bat, I have some problems with the blurb. First, I find the immediate toss of the age and name of the MC generic and overused. Honestly, we don't really care how old they are right now. The name is slightly more important, but you should always start off with something a tad more substantial when working with something as important as your blurb.
Moving on from that, I do appreciate how simple and streamlined your blurb ends up. It's very effective in the format and the information. However, I don't like the beginning, as I said. I honestly don't think it needs my rewrite at this time, but my suggestion for the hook would be: Toa has known nothing but jealousy. Then you would go on with business as usual. Most of the time, I argue against using a name right in the beginning. However, since this is only a three-letter nickname, I think you can squeak by.
Lastly, I think the entire third paragraph needs to be taken out. All the information you need in your blurb (regarding the storyline) should be presented in the actual story blurb. No one really wants to read that summary written academically. I'd take it out entirely—it's not needed.
0 9 / 1 5
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