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Title: When Night Comes Chapter Reviewed: Creation, Prologue, 1, 2 Author: xohrats
Blurb:
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I don't like it. I especially don't get the 'girl will defy the seasons'. What season? Nothing in the blurb tells me what the story is going to be about. I prefer longer blurbs. Which actually tell me what I can find in the book. I'll/d never buy a book with a vague blurb.
Title:
When Night Comes.
Not a fan of it. I have no explanation why. It just doesn't give me any sense of high fantasy. It sounds like Mystery.
Cover:
It's okay. General, and not so fantasy. It doesn't attract me to read your book in any way though.
Miscellaneous:
In the introduction, you have a mention of WARNING. I'm not a fan of warning. I don't think you need to warn someone on something you've tagged with or if you've tagged the book as Mature. It's some kind of a mini spoiler for the book. You don't see G.R.R.M warns people of how many sex and blood in GOT. WARNING is more of a stylistic choice I guess.
What I love is, the map. High fantasy with a map is peanut butter and jelly. I know someone is serious about their story when they draw maps.
Chapter CREATION.
I reviewed 'creation', because it is a literary chapter, and it's quite long. The first thing that caught my attention in the 1st para is the adjectives 'weakly' and 'murky'. It immediately attenuates the impact of the intro. You could do without both.
'She felt something odd...'
This line is too vague. You should immediately describe the feeling.
You have an echo of 'she didn't know why', and it doesn't read good. You also have an echo of 'odd'. I suggest you refrain from using 'odd' to describe something, unless it's in a dialogue. It's just me though XD
