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i. COVER & TITLE
There are a few problems with your cover. For one, it's not very colourful, which makes it feel quite bland. Second, the cover comes off a little messy with all of the different aspects. The fonts are different, and they feel very basic. I think you should work with one of the designers in my reading list to create a cover that better fits your story and appears more professional.
Now, your title is fine--just fine. Personally, I find the original title of 'Let the Skies Fall' is far more attention-grabbing and even more relating to the story. 'Let Me Free' is just a little generic. There are other options as well, but I think you should stick with the sky theme. Something like 'To See the Sky' or something artsy like 'Heart and Sky'. I think you should change your title to something more along those themes. I still think the best option would be the original 'Let the Skies Fall', but I'm currently listening to the song Skyfall by Adele as I write this, so maybe I'm just biased.
ii. BLURB
Your blurb has an excellent hook. However, I think you need to clean up the rest of your blurb. I'll rewrite it below, and then I'll explain my reasons for the changes. I'm going to edit the blurb as though your title was 'Let the Skies Fall'.
Heads aren't supposed to explode. There shouldn't be dead bodies under schools. They have to escape this place.
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The Dome will always prioritize you and your safety. That's what they'll tell you. But Eris isn't so sure anymore. For as long as she can remember, she and her eccentric group of friends have lived in a city with walls so high they cover the skies. Beyond those walls is the cursed darkness that covers the rest of the world and the demons with a thirst for blood.
Slowly, Eris and her friends--and a certain green-eyed girl that has an odd obsession with perfection and flowers--realize that freedom in the Done is simply an illusion. They find out that heros are nothing but empty tales and beautiful lies.
It's time for the sky to fall.
Here's the breakdown of why I made these changes:
- Your hook was a little messy. I shortened it and took out the things I thought were causing the messiness.
- Your blurb was a little too long. Therefore, I took out a lot of information in the middle that I found to be unnecessary.
- I took out all the names except for Eris' first name. As I explained in my last review, the capacity of the memory of a person is directly related to their interest in the story. By bombarding them with last names and a bunch of first names, you cause the little of their attention you have to be at risk. They want words they know--especially in the beginning of the blurb. Last names mean nothing to them at this point. Leave em out.
