Dreamland Review Archive

Falling Skies (T)

Falling Skies

giki18

Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

Your cover is awesome! It's exactly the kind of book I'd pick up in the bookstore, and I believe it could be quite successful on Wattpad as well. Only thing is that the title is a little hidden. I like it. But that is something to keep in mind.

Your title makes sense. It's a little common, but it seems to fit your book so well that I wouldn't change it. I think you've done a good job here.

Your blurb is...almost perfect. I like the small paragraphs to maintain interest and I really like the repetition and the drama, but I do think it can be edited a bit. First off, I always recommend a short snappy sentence to begin, but I like your whole first paragraph. With that being said, as cool as 'Sky Fall' sounds, it doesn't actually mean anything to us quite yet. I would try restructuring that sentence just to make it alluring to all audiences. Maybe something like this:

No one expected the stars to disappear.

See that is a sentence that captures attention, and it makes sense to everyone. Other than that, your blurb has really good bones. I don't want to minimize that. But there are some awkward sentences, like 'and no one expected what the Sky Fall would bring with it'. You could probably rework that so the 'with it' gets crossed out. It would just sound cleaner. And lastly, I don't like ending blurbs with a question. BUT I really like the way you end yours, so I am impressed with that.

Here, I've edited your blurb by reworking some sentences I thought were wonky and shortening it as much as I can:

No one expected the stars to disappear. No one expected them to crash into Earth and render it useless.

No one expected humanity to survive the burning blasts by rebuilding itself and fighting with strength only the human race has.

And no one expected what the Sky Fall would bring: an opening to a new world, a doorway allowing unspeakable creates to finally cross their way onto Earth.

Haven- a corporate laboratory created to expect the unexpected- has one purpose: to reverse the effects of the Sky Fall and close the doorway for good.

But how far are you willing to go to do the right thing? How do you destroy a monster without becoming one?

So here I've just tried to clean up some sentences, but perhaps you still like yours better, that's okay. I realize I never quite explained Sky Fall, but I think the name itself combined with the beginning sentences is self-explanatory.

12/15

Logistics: (grammar, spelling & dialogue)

You have a few grammar issues. Nothing huge, but I do notice some awkward sentences. Let's look at a sentence from chapter one:

'There's a familiarity in it, a warm flooding through his veins that one gets when thinking about their childhood home or Christmas dinner with their parents.'

Okay, so that's an awesome comparison and shows how good of a writer you are. But it took me a couple tries to get through that sentence. It's not really clear enough- at least not for a super picky reader like me. You have a few instances like this. Here's another from chapter two that I thought was choppy:

'The hallway is too bright, a hand instinctively coming up to shield him from its onslaught as he makes his way straight down the hall, passing a few glass windows and doors on the way.'