Prototech (T)

88 2 0
                                    

Prototech

Riprish


Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

I like the colours and the separation of your cover, but I'm not a fan of the font. It seems a little like one of those fonts that are free on any of those cover-maker apps, which is fine, but it just seems a little hasty. If you like it and you don't know what I'm talking about, then ignore that. Maybe I just have something against this font. However, I would recommend taking out the 'by' before your name. Usually, authors just put their author's name, so in your case: 'B. Timothy'. I think it looks cleaner. All in all, your cover is a little plain. I'd recommend getting a new cover from one of the shops in my reading list.

The title is interesting and encompasses the story. It is unique and different. No problems here.

I immediately loved how short and concise your blurb was. I think you have exactly the right amount of information to draw readers in. However, you have some grammatical mistakes and slips in tense that affect the drama of the blurb. I've reworked some sentences below.

'Military leaders rush testing of an armor prototype, Prototech, to fight it.'

I'd add in a tense there in the middle to increase clarity:

'Military leaders are rushing testing of an armor prototype, Prototech, to fight it.'

And another change I'd make is adding a 'but' in front of the last sentence in the first paragraph. I know you shouldn't start sentences with conjunctions. But I don't care. I like the drama it brings.

You need a comma before 'and' in the first sentence of the second paragraph. I'd also add a dash instead of a comma in the last sentence. It would look cleaner.

Other than those few grammatical slip-ups, your blurb is literally perfect. It seems to follow every piece of advice I have ever given on blurbs, starting with a dramatic sentence and splitting up into paragraphs. You end it with a bang and I find myself very interested.

12/15


Logistics: (grammar, spelling & dialogue)

The main issue I found were commas. But the odd thing is you seem to have all commas worked out except the commas before conjunctions such as 'but' and 'and'. Luckily, these are the easiest to fix and what I have the most experience in.

First of all, there are two types of clauses (clauses – parts of a sentence that can either stand alone or not). The independent ones can stand completely alone and can be their own sentence. The dependant ones cannot. Examples below:

'I made my way over to the counter, and I looked out the window.'

Both of these clauses, separated by a comma, are independent. If you're not sure if it's dependant, try putting a period instead of a comma and taking out the 'and'. If the sentence still makes sense alone, it's independent! So above:

'I made my way over to the counter. I looked out the window.'

So, the two clauses above are independent. Independent clauses require a comma before 'and'.

The other type, dependant, means the clauses cannot stand alone. See below:

'I made my way over to the counter and looked out the window.'

Using the period trick to check if it is dependant:

'I made my way over to the counter. Looked out the window.'

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