The Sigma Asset (T)

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The Sigma Asset written by pixelmum

The Sigma Asset written by pixelmum

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i. COVER & TITLE

While I don't find the cover very grabbing, I do like the title. I think the cover needs a bit more to it to be eye-catching. Maybe a little more colour or a slightly bolder font. I know nothing about graphics. I just know what grabs my attention and what doesn't, and this cover isn't doing that as great as it could. The title, though, is awesome—and it connects to the blurb. Perfect.


ii. BLURB

Not a huge fan of this blurb simply because I think we just get too much information. We don't really need to know all the things you've told us. We just need to know that Zephyr has escaped, he has friends he wants to help, and there's this mysterious guy that he's getting to know. I think all the information about Sigma isn't ideal. A possible rewrite:

He'll never play the piano again. That's what Zephyr has vowed to himself after escaping Sigma, a criminal organization that once held him—and still holds his friends—captive. After being forced to entertain clients with more than just music, Zephyr turns to Will, the mysterious man that helped him escape Sigma. However interesting and saviour-like Will may seem, he still has his own secrets, and they're tangled up with a dark past. Sigma is still looming, and Zephyr isn't quite sure if Will has plans that match up with his, or ones that could pull him down a one-way path to danger.

I wrote that pretty fast, so there are probably ways to make it better. However, I just wanted to show you how much shorter your blurb could be while still presenting the same point. Hopefully that'll help if you chose to clean up what you have.

1 2 / 1 5


i

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i. PUNCTUATION

commas:

It is nearly impossible to get every comma correctly, but you sure do make it seem easy. I've found only one persistent issue, and that's the comma before a conjunction. I know this can be an intentional choice sometimes, but since I couldn't see any reasoning for you to make this error, I'm going to assume it was not intentional. Feel free to correct me.

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